Johnny Rio

My first story by this author. A choose your own adventure book involving a spy.

Well . . . the ‘I’m a good little agent’ path was super boring. I went from airport to meet boss. Followed his directions. Book over. Um. Yay me? I didn’t notice any issues with the writing/grammar/etc. Just . . really boring. And short.

So . . . obviously that means I need to try other paths. *goes back, looks at picking up Russian coding, finds about a trillion pages of nonsense* Um, what the? What was that about? Obviously need to go further back.

Ooh! Now I’m armed. With a Glock. And a silencer. And some more nonsense. This time I think it’s a mistake by the author as opposed to ‘learning code’. “It was your bitchy landlady who kept calling the parking authority on your that was to blame!” Um . . . you are at a parking garage at the airport. What’s your landlady have to do with anything? And what is she calling them about? It just says “your”. Your what? Your penis? I need more detail! That landlady. So bitchy. And clearly insane. Calling the parking authority about your enormous penis. What? It’s left to my imagination to fill in the blank left by having it just be “on your that was to blame”. And obviously it would involve the guy’s penis. This is a spy book after all. Um. And book ended again. Well . . glad I had the gun . . so I could walk up a flight of stairs. And down again. Then just toss the super secret package into a FedEx box. To think, he could have done that to begin with! Heh.

Right. Let’s go back and hump a woman, then, if these other paths just keep ending really shortly for me.

“Her voice is a smooth as olive oil.” Hmms. I’ve always found olive oil to be kind of sticky. And greasy. And stuff. So her voice is sticky and greasy. Eww.

Um. So. Um. What the fuck? No man kisses a woman’s wrist any longer. Not in this day and age. So . . . I’m undermined by out-dated antics of a moron. Right. Yay, glad I went back then. And I know it’s not set in the past because the woman has a mobile phone. *nods*

“At 7:02 you stand up smoothly, and walk smoothly . . .”, add in the smooth voice of the woman and this author sure does like the word smooth.

Also, I’m glad the evil villain woman is cliché. She got him to lick her hand. Therefore immobilizing him. But . . . um . . . she could have easily just killed him. So . . . why didn’t she? Watched too many Bond films, I guess. Mmphs.

Oh. Well, judging by how that particular path ended, I guess I’m, or the main dude I’m controlling, is actually the one working for the evil organization. A competent evil organization at that. Well then, that changes things.

I now add “suavely” as being an important word. Since the author used it a lot. So, I shall defeat this code! Smoothly and suavely. Nope, got nothing from those two over used words. Drats, foiled again!

Yep, I’m the evil dick in the story. Romana, the woman, asks how I got to her so fast. Naturally, I tell her. Because that’s what evil fucks do. So, I’m the evil one. Well, I’ve got a gun on her. With a silencer. I’ll just shoot her. *tries* Well crap, I guess I wasn’t given that option. *taps fingers against keyboard annoyed like* I’m a better evil critter than this guy! Mmphs.

Oh. Hah. Oops, I didn’t read far enough. I do have the option of shooting her. And knowing that I’m the evil fuck in the story, I shoot her. Die bitch, die! *snick snick*

Hmm. That ended more satisfactory. But, might as well go back and see how I mess up by going down the path I didn’t go down before. *goes back*

Hmms. Making her talk was less interesting.

Well, now I’ve gone down all the pathways. Not too bad, but rather short, despite its state page count of 494 pages.… (plus d'informations)