Julie Schwartz GottmanCritiques

After finishing this book, I made a note in Evernote for each chapter that I can use todo the exercises.

I was initially disappointed that instead of ten points, it was ten stories of couples that came in for counseling. But as I read them, I realized that each couple was there to illustrate an important way to improve a relationship. Thus, I want to go back through it to study by doing the exercises completely instead of just a quick pass in my head.

Table of Contents
0: Introduction:From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It
1: “All You Ever Do Is Work”
2: “Will We Ever Get Over Your Affair?”
3: “After All the Crises in Our Lives, We Don’t Feel Close Anymore”
4: “You Never Talk to Me”
5: “You Don’t Care About My Dreams”
6: “You’re So Distant and Irritable All the Time”
7: “I Shouldn’t Have to Nag!”
8: “There’s No Passion, There’s No Fun”
9: “We Only Have Time for the Kids Now”
10: “You’re Not Satisfied Unless There’s Some Drama”

Very clear description of how to change from conflict into communication that connects.

I like that the Gottman approach is based on research, and that they follow their own advice when they have conflicts.

I highlighted the parts that struck me as I read the kindle edition.

Good stuff for all relationships. I liked the lengthy examples. They really helped to illustrate each point. Slightly repetitive of the same ideas from his 7 points in the other book.

After finishing this book, I made a note in Evernote for each chapter that I can use todo the exercises.

I was initially disappointed that instead of ten points, it was ten stories of couples that came in for counseling. But as I read them, I realized that each couple was there to illustrate an important way to improve a relationship. Thus, I want to go back through it to study by doing the exercises completely instead of just a quick pass in my head.

More helpful exercises that can make a Great Dates topic or marriage prep activity

Good book on communication, but uneven even there. Some notes:
Ask explatory questions, develop curiousity about other people's experiences and learn to listen. "Can you tell me more about this? Explain what you mean."
Present challenges and differences without criticizing.
Express and accept appreciation.
Recognize when you're stressed and take steps to relax.
Say what you're feeling and what you want and need, even if it's difficult.
Listen and respond to another's feelings and wants and needs before reassuring and before trying to solve the problem.
Respond to criticism with the honest question: "What do you want?"
Hear the longing in a complaint.
On messing up: "I feel terrible about this. What can I do to make it up to you? I would also like your understanding and support."
Respond to non-responsiveness: I really want you to understand my feelings here.

Lots of practical suggestions for improving marriage and communication. I liked reading the actual conversations and comparing them to conversations I have with my spouse. Great questions to discuss, useful advice - great handbook.

This collection bridges the gap between John Gottman's popular theories of marital success and the unique application of therapeutic principles to real-life cases. Chapters apply the powerful Sound Marital House theory to difficult clinical issues such as comorbid psychopathologies, domestic violence, and extramarital affairs.

John Gottman is a pre-eminent relationship researcher.