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Love Me, Don't Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships

par Michelle Skeen PsyD

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Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life, whether through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood-fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail. In Love Me, Don't Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears. In this book you'll learn how schema coping behaviors-deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears-can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will not only gain powerful insights into your own mind, but also into the minds of those around you.… (plus d'informations)
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I read this book on and off throughout the period of a few months, sometimes getting distracted, sometimes sitting back to reflect on what I had read. For a long time, I thought I might have abandonment issues as a result of my upbringing and many of my early experiences, but it didn't quite hit me until I did something I regretted. I then thought to seek some help because that behavior had become a recurring pattern, and found this book.

It forced me to confront some self-sabotaging, negative behaviors and thought patterns, and forced me to take a good, long hard look at myself, hard as it was to admit. This book it not for passive reading, it will ask you to keep a journal and write things down. I found that immensely helpful to come to terms with sabotaging behaviors. Remember, healing isn't an overnight process. The journey continues, but this book has inspired me to seek out professional therapy to address my abandonment issues and all that's come with it.

Writing is easy to read and the chapters flowed well. The author intersperses her own personal stories that relate to the next topic she's going to talk about.

Two of the biggest things I took away from this: Be like the sky, and your negative thoughts are clouds that you acknowledge and let pass you by. And do the opposite of what you're naturally inclined to do once your core beliefs are triggered.

Great read and I'd recommend it for anyone who suspects they may have abandonment issues, or low self-esteem! ( )
  galian84 | Dec 1, 2023 |
Wonderfully written, Michelle Skeen shows not just what we do to hurt our relationships, but what we can do to stop sabotaging relationships due to core beliefs from the past (childhood and beyond.) You may never lose the fear of abandonment or mistrust and negative emotions, but you can help yourself to not fall back into that way of thinking everytime a trigger sets you off. It's a lifelong battle, but the book helps us to stop and be "mindful." We can react in a more positive way and not allow our emotions to take over. It's wonderful. A series of assessments help to let you know why you're feeling pain and reacting negatively in relationships, possibility pushing others away, and how to stop. I highly recommend it for anyone who has issues with abandonment, failure, mistrust, abuse, and deprivation. Five stars! ( )
  Mischenko | Nov 30, 2017 |
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Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life, whether through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood-fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail. In Love Me, Don't Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears. In this book you'll learn how schema coping behaviors-deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears-can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will not only gain powerful insights into your own mind, but also into the minds of those around you.

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