Ha ha, I was reading this article and trying to think about the important things it knows about people who are abused or traumatized and why they react in the ways they do, and all I could keep thinking was how obnoxious the conversation that was going on around me in the English students' lounge was and how obnoxious and entitled everyone sounded. And the fact that nobody was getting raped or having their leg blown off by a landmine put things in perspective not at all. Human beings are funny. But, you know, enough of that; here are some key points from this paper:


-the observation that people, especially kids, who have been helpless in terrifying situations repeat the behaviors to which they were subject in those situations goes back at least to Freud, who thought they were trying to repeat the events to desensitize themselves and gain control;


-the behaviours in question include harm to others, self-harm, revictimization (heartbreakingly, victims of father-daughter incest are four times more likely to be approached to be in pornography and do not usually connect this with their early experiences, which, immediate questions about methodology and need to avoid victim-blaming just held for the moment in hand, you think: "why? how? what is the mechanism?"


-part of why people put themselves in bad situations again and again is by way of blaming themselves and wanting to be punished--the kid who decides that if they weren't bad their parent wouldn't have hurt them like that, because they need to go on believing in the safety and goodness of the parent or fear would be too overwhelming; the guy whose buddy got snipered in 'Nam because he (the guy) lit a cigarette at night, and who went around for years holding up shops with a pretend gun in the hopes that the cops would catch him at it and waste him--this behaviour ceased when he came to see that he wanted to be punished, because if it was his fault and he was hurt or killed then it was expiated--and that's much easier to take than an arbitrarily cruel universe. Heartbreakingly, the kids who blame themselves for abuse recover better than the ones who don't because they still believe they are protected.


-arousal, as the psychologists call it, is key here. When unaroused--calm--people (and lab rats) on balance tend to seek novelty. When aroused--agitated and afraid, they return to the familiar, even if it is damaging, and avoid novelty, because it's too overwhelming. Better the devil you know, because your capability to deal with shit is so worn away. This is basically exactly what I've been saying about resources, and how just when you need them is by definition when they fail, because otherwise why would you need them? It's also basically the exact plot of that sad, sad song "No Children" by the Mountain Goats.


-and so in short, we seek increased attachment in the face of danger, because we are help-seeking beings. And it is so awful, because we seek help from power, and are predisposed to find it good--IF we need it, because otherwise it's too fearsome. Not only the kids who say "he loves me, and he only hits me because I'm bad", but more: Stockholm Syndrome, cases of concentration camp inmates sewing their clothing into copies of SS uniforms. Kolk: "tension gradually builds" (during phase one), an explosive battering incident occurs (during phase two), and a "calm, loving respite follows phase three). The violence allows intense emotional engagement and dramatic scenes of forgiveness, reconciliation, and physical contact that restores the fantasy of fusion and symbiosis. Hence, there are two powerful sources of reinforcement: the "arousal-jag" or excitement before the violence and the peace of surrender afterwards, Both of these responses, placed at appropriate intervals, reinforce the traumatic bond between victim and abuser. To varying degrees, the memory of the battering incidents is state-dependent or dissociated, and thus only comes back in full force during renewed situations of terror. This interferes with good judgment about the relationship and allows longing for love an reconciliation to overcome realistic fears." Awful how it rings true.


-"why [does] the batterer does not stop when injury and pain are apparent and why does the victim not leave? ... [T]hey are addicted to each other and to abuse. The system, the interaction, the relation takes hold; the individuals are as powerless as junkies."


"Gaining control over one's current life, rather than repeating trauma in action, mood, or somatic states, is the goal of treatment. The only reason to uncover traumatic material is to gain conscious control over unbidden re-experiences or re-enactments." There is more about treatment, but I'm not engaging with it right now. The above has given me enough to chew over for the moment.

(Appeared in Psychiatric Clinics of North America.) ( )