Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton and Heen
DiscussionsACS Chemistry Careers Book Club
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Communication is one of the most critical non-technical skills needed in today’s workplace. Communicating facts is easy, but adding inferences and conclusions makes it slightly more difficult. Add in personalities, varying backgrounds and expectations (common in our increasingly diverse workplace), and emotions, and things quickly become very complicated. When faced with a difficult situation, such as an underperforming employee, asking for a raise, or dissecting a failed project, most people either avoid the issue (leading to anger and resentment) or confront it – often with disastrous results.
The slim book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen grew out of the Harvard Negotiation Project. It provides tools to help you understand, plan for, and obtain constructive outcomes from these difficult discussions.
The authors’ main premise is that in any of these charged exchanges, there are really three separate conversations going on.
1. What happened? Each person involved may have seen something different, and probably ascribes different motives to the actions that they saw.
2. What are the emotions involved on each side, and what needs to be done about them?
3. What does this issue, and how I reacted, say about me and who I really am?
The book discusses how to decide which issues need to be discussed, and which can be solved in other ways. If a conversation is needed, they talk about how to start on the right foot, and how to think like a mediator and identify concrete actions to prevent future problems.
There’s a checklist at the back of the book, which you can use when preparing for your next difficult conversation. Give it a try!
The slim book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen grew out of the Harvard Negotiation Project. It provides tools to help you understand, plan for, and obtain constructive outcomes from these difficult discussions.
The authors’ main premise is that in any of these charged exchanges, there are really three separate conversations going on.
1. What happened? Each person involved may have seen something different, and probably ascribes different motives to the actions that they saw.
2. What are the emotions involved on each side, and what needs to be done about them?
3. What does this issue, and how I reacted, say about me and who I really am?
The book discusses how to decide which issues need to be discussed, and which can be solved in other ways. If a conversation is needed, they talk about how to start on the right foot, and how to think like a mediator and identify concrete actions to prevent future problems.
There’s a checklist at the back of the book, which you can use when preparing for your next difficult conversation. Give it a try!
