Megan Phelps-RoperCritiques

This was a very interesting and insightful memoir. I would recommend to anyone curious about Westboro Baptist Church,

An unbelievable journey through the life of Megan Phelps-Roper, former member of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church. This is a riveting, incredibly honest, heartfelt and truly sad. It is also full of hope. Megan is a brave soul whose desire to be held accountable for her past cruelties as well as her strong will to change and find a new path through kindness, education and truth, are something very strong to read about. This is a great read, told with a real unbridled commitment to bring true. Kudos.

Such a powerful story of love, hate, family and finding your way. I love that she read her own words and brought a calm, loving voice to such a strong recounting of her past. I cried through so many parts for her and her family. I couldn't put it down.

In a brave baring of her soul, Megan Phelps-Roper tells of growing up in the Westboro Baptist Church, and how the people she loved and depended on held her to abusive standards in the name of obedience. Through twitter, over the course of many years, conversations with polite, curious strangers on the internet slowly reshaped Megan's worldview. She still struggles to leave, afraid the world will condemn her for the hurt that her actions have caused over the years, but she tries her best to take accountability and move forward honestly and with grace, and is received with open arms by many of the people she once protested, now lifelong friends. I think this is such an important read if you want to understand how we can support and encourage people to leave abusive situations; not with judgement and hate, but with love and patience.

Reading this book and learning how the people in this cult--Westboro Baptist Church-- believed and acted toward anybody not in their cult makes you feel sick to your stomach. They celebrated when gays died of aids. They celebrated when soldiers died in the war after 9/11. The only thing that makes this book redeemable, is the mindset of the author after her eyes were opened to the utter hypocrisy of her family and her church.

P.4:
"My grandfather soon discovered that sex in the park was a well-documented issue in the local media; sting operations conducted by the Topeka Police department had resulted in a string of high-profile arrests over the years. a nationally circulated gay and lesbian travel guide listed the park as a 'cruisy area' -- a place where men could cruise for anonymous sex. Even now Gage Park is listed in that guide, though a warning was added shortly after westboro's picketing began: AYOR. At your own risk.
armed with this information, my grandfather took action. He began by detailing his findings in a letter to the mayor, opening with a colorful description of the problem ('A malodorous sore with the scab off is open and running at the southwest corner of Gage Park') your consideration is appreciated.' "

Every family in the cult created a huge amount of children.
P.11:
"...it was for God alone to give or withhold children, and even the 'natural family planning' endorsed by Catholics was unacceptable. The single time I heard about an aunt of mine attempting to defy God and 'counting the days' to avoid pregnancy, it was in the context of her miscounting. She and her husband had been struggling to provide for the six children they had already but when she tried to take matters into her own hands, she ended up pregnant with twins. God was teaching her a lesson, my mother said, because my aunt had failed to trust him. It wasn't for her to decide when or how many children to have, it wasn't for her to have any feelings or opinion on the matter at all, except to be grateful to the Lord for each one."

Very interesting book that I am glad to have read but its by no means an 'easy' book and was very slow paced. Its odd because I can't say its a book I enjoyed or liked but I am glad I took the time to read it and it helped demystify the WBC origins and members.

You've heard of Westboro Baptist Church, picketing soldiers' funerals and telling all of us "God hates fags." The church is/was pretty much made up of members of the Fred Phelps family. This is the story of his granddaughter Megan, one of his most ardent believers and followers, who as an adult finally begins to question her beliefs and "mission.," and, along with a younger sister, leaves the church. Not especially well written, but a moving look into a young woman's inner struggles and search for her own identity.

I've read a number of books following people becoming disenchanted with their religion and quitting. This is SUPERB and very well-considered and reasoned.
I had seen Louis Theroux' documentary on the "most hated family" in America- the controversial Phelps famly of Westboro, Kansas, much given to picketing funerals with messages of God's hatred of...apparently most of humanity.
Megan, 26 year old daughter and granddaughter of commited church members, and a leading light in their activities, begins questioning the inconsistencies and unscriptural foundation of their doctrines.
Eventually breaking away (and thus ending all permitted contact with her very close family), she recalls the past- much of it very positive- and forges new friendships as she leaves behind the controlled, childlike world of the church...
Interestingly, two of the people who offer her friendship are a couple of Jehovahs Witnessses (who themelves abandon their religion a bit later).
I thought the author's comment on any controlling movement were very well written:

"The church's radical, recalcitrant position is the result of very common, very human, forces - everything from fear, family, guilt and shame, to cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias. These are forces whose power affects us all, consciously and subconsciously, to one degree or another at every stage of our lives. And when these forces are coupled with group dynamics and a belief system that caters to so many of our most basic needs as human beings- a sense of meaning, of identity, of purpose, of reward, of goodness, of community - they provide group members with an astonishing level of motivation to cohere and conform, no matter the cost.
Others with stories like mine have shown me repeatedly that the root of Westboro's ideology - the idea that our beliefs were "THE one true way"- is not by any means limited to Westboro members....It gives a comforting sense of certainty, freeing the believer from existential angst and providing a sense of stability- a foundation on which to build a life. But the costs of that certainty can be enormous and difficult to identify. Ultimately the same quality that makes Westboro so easy to dismiss- its extremism- is also what helps highlight the destructive nature of viewing the world in black and whire, the danger of becoming calcified in a position and impervious to change."

Ask almost anyone, and they know about the Westboro Baptist Church and their shocking demonstrations at the funerals of soldiers, shooting victims, and rallies intending to promote love and acceptance. Their reason for their actions is mystifying to many, and they keep their doctrine close within their own church. When a former member debuted her memoir “Banished” several years ago, it was an eye opener for not just me, but for others as well. We finally had a glimpse into the mysterious workings of this church. I always held a secret hope that other ex members would release a memoir as well. ⁣
Megan Phelps-Roper was one of the most visible members of the WBC. She was picketing as young as 5 years old, and as she got older she became the online face of the church, handling many of their online accounts. Megan wholeheartedly believed in the lessons she was being taught, and never sought to question them. When she would see counter protestors or when other members would leave the church, she truly saw them as the enemy, and that one day they would come to learn the error of their ways. Like many religions, she was taught that doubt was sinful, so when she had a conflict of the heart, it caused her great pain and turmoil. She describes in great detail the history of the church and her family, their backgrounds in law and how they came to form the WBC. ⁣
Megan is a devoted believer until her mid twenties, when she’s faced with both an inner conflict in the church and a Twitter user who is not afraid to question and challenge her belief system. She begins to see the hypocrisy practiced by those she worships alongside, and also comes to the realization that perhaps what she believes isn’t the one true faith. Megan holds out hope that the situation in her church will improve, but when things worsen, she knows she has to make a life altering decision not just for her, but for her younger sister Grace, who is also having doubts and is facing undue ostracism from church members. ⁣
Like many ex church members of any religion, the path after leaving isn’t always a straight one. You battle fear, uncertainty, sometimes the loss of your loved ones, and how to find and balance your newfound independence. Both Megan and Grace are eventually able to come to a place of peace and healing, especially when they speak at events and come face to face with people they have protested against in the past. ⁣
Megan writes of her story with unbridled honesty. She isn’t afraid to admit her own faults, nor does she gloss over any unpleasantness. This reader wishes her the best in her continuing journey.

... that open discourse and dialectic is the most effective enabler of the evolution of individuals and societies. That the answer to bad ideas is to publicly reason against them. To advocate for and propagate better ones. And that it is dangerous to vest any central authority with broad powers to limit the bounds of acceptable discussion. Because these powers lend themselves to authoritarian abuse, the creation of echo chambers, and the marginalisation of ideas that are true but unpopular. In short, the principles underlying the freedom of speech recognise that all of us are susceptible to cognitive deficiencies and groupthink.

I first heard about the Westboro Baptist Church when the documentary by Louis Theroux first aired: BBC's The Most Hated Family in America. The group is probably most famous for picketing funerals of soldiers and their homophobic signs. Megan's story follows her mounting disillusionment with the group, questions she had as a child that went unanswered, and her growing role in the church even as she wondered about the rights and wrongs of it all. Eventually she becomes the most well-known spokesperson for the group and runs the online social media platforms. It's there that she starts to engage with others' perspectives and eventually changes her own. She starts to see the damage hatred and unkindness can do.

It is disconcerting - shamefully, unimaginably so - to look back and accept that my fellow church members and I were collectively engaging in the most egregious display of logical blindness that I have ever witnessed.

I have great sympathy for those born into cults. It's utterly heartbreaking. Her memories about the abuse she and her siblings suffered is gut-wrenching. More than once I cried listening to her story. Little moments really stand out: she admits that she didn't know what her signs meant when she first held them; the letter she signed and sent to a newspaper as a child was actually written by her aunt.

That she broke free at all is commendable, but to see how far she's come is just brilliant. Also, her Twitter pic now reads GOD LOVES GAYS. What a wonderful, wonderful turn around. :')

Wow, I have no words. This was just so perfect, beautifully written and I can't recommend it enough. This book is going to sit with me for a while, Megan Phelps-Roper is an amazing human who has overcome so bloody much. I literally couldn't put this memoir down! ❤️

Growing up in Westboro Baptist community and church, much of the author's life centered around their activism. However, her role in their social media, especially Twiter, led to encounters with people who helped her see issues and ultimately led her to leave the church.

Phelps-Roper does a great job of making the abrasive group human while still identifying their flaws and weaknesses. A strong example of how cults often turn in and become corrupt and what leads people to leave.

Full of heart

When I first placed a hold on Unfollow, I didn't give too much thought as to what Unfollow was going to do to me emotionally.

Unfollow takes us through the life of Megan Phelps-Roper, and the church she had grown up in. This means we get to see the cult-like atmosphere of the church, and the fact that the church mostly contained family.

Unfollow is heart-breaking and thought-provoking. Everyone should read it, if only to see the change of heart and growth of one of the ex-members of the Westboro Baptist Church.

"Doubt was nothing more than epistemological humility: a deep and practical awareness that outside our sphere of knowledge there existed information and experiences that might show our position to be in error. Doubt causes us to hold a strong position a bit more loosely, such that an acknowledgment of ignorance or error doesn't crush our sense of self or leave us totally unmoored if our position proves untenable. Certainty is the opposite: it hampers inquiry and hinders growth. It teaches us to ignore evidence that contradicts our ideas, and encourages us to defend our position at all costs, even as it reveals itself as indefensible. Certainty sees compromise as weak, hypocritical, evil, suppressing empathy and allowing us to justify inflicting horrible pain on others." p. 273-4

"But the truth is that the church's radical, recalcitrant position is the result of very common, very human forces—everything from fear, family, guilt, and shame, to cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias. These are forces whose power affects us all, consciously and subconsciously, to one degree or another at every stage of our lives. And when these forces are coupled with group dynamics and a belief system that caters to so many of our most basic needs as human beings—a sense of meaning, of identity, of purpose, of reward, of goodness, of community—they provide group members with an astonishing level of motivation to cohere and conform, no matter the cost.
"Others with stories like mine have shown me repeatedly that the root of Westboro's ideology—the idea that our beliefs were "the one true way"—is not by any means limited to Westboro members. In truth, that idea is common, widespread, and on display everywhere humans gather, from religious circles to political ones. It gives a comforting sense of certainty, freeing the believer from existential angst and providing a sense of stability—a foundation on which to build a life. But the costs of that certainty can be enormous and difficult to identify. Ultimately, the same quality that makes Westboro so easy to dismiss—its extremism—is also what helps highlight the destructive nature of viewing the world in black and white, the danger of becoming calcified in a position and impervious to change. " p. 275-6

"Though their ideologies manifested in vastly different ways, it was fundamentalist religious groups, from Jehovah's Witnesses to members of the Islamic State, that first permitted me to recognize the patterns of my upbringing. But as I watch the human tribal instinct play out in the era of Donald Trump, the echoes of Westboro are undeniable: the division of the world into Us and Them; the vilification of compromise; the knee-jerk expulsion of insiders who violate group orthodoxy; and the demonization of outsiders and the inability to substantively engage with their ideas, because we simply cannot step outside of our own. In this environment, there is a growing insistence that opposing views must be silenced, whether by the powers of government, the self-regulation of social media companies, or the self-censorship of individuals. At the heart of this insistence lie several false assumptions, including a sentiment that Westboro members would readily recognize: We have nothing to learn from these People. This sentiment was troubling to witness even among our tiny fringe movement, and I was relieved to abandon it when I left the church—but watching it spread among a vast and growing populace has been altogether more alarming, filling me with a growing sense of unease." p. 276

"Although private companies like Twitter and Facebook are clearly free to set the terms of use for their platforms, the principles enshrined in the First Amendment are no less relevant to social media than they are in public spaces: that open discourse and dialectic is the most effective enabler of the evolution of individuals and societies. That the answer to bad ideas is to publicly reason against them, to advocate for and propagate better ones. And that it is dangerous to vest any central authority with broad powers to limit the bounds of acceptable discussion—because these powers lend themselves to authoritarian abuse, the creation of echo chambers, and the marginalization of ideas that are true but unpopular. In short, the principles underlying the freedom of speech recognize that all of us are susceptible to cognitive deficiencies and groupthink, and that an open marketplace of ideas is our best defense against them. And though my life's trajectory has led me to strongly believe in these principles, I continue to actively seek out, examine, and seriously consider the arguments of those who oppose them. To my mind, this is the essence of epistemological humility—not a lack of belief or principle or faith, not the refusal to take a position or the abdication of responsibility to stand against injustice, but a constant examination of one's worldview, a commitment to honestly grappling with criticisms of it." p. 277

An interesting memoir about a young woman’s growing up in a cult-like, extreme, and bigoted Christian- fundamentalist church and how she managed to break away. The book is too long, laden with an excess of scriptural passages—the reader can get the point quickly enough that church members’ acts were based on literal interpretations of the Bible without verse after verse, lots of text messages, and plenty of tears. The chapters are very long and occasionally tedious. While it is not badly written, I was still happy to get to the end of it.½

As granddaughter of the pastor and founder of Westboro Baptist church, Megan Phelps-Roper grew up in a warm and loving extended family . . . who went out every day to picket various functions and organizations, hurling invective and carrying signs that the vast majority of people find extraordinarily offensive. As she grows from a teen to a young adult, Phelps-Roper becomes her mother's right hand in her work with the organization, and one of the most prominent social media voices in Westboro. However, as the church leadership shifts, she starts questioning everything she's ever been taught. A secret online conversation with a kind, patient lawyer makes her wonder: what if she were to leave?

I found this hard reading, especially some of the descriptions of the abhorrent things done and said by Westboro members, and Phelps-Roper herself prior to leaving the church. It also felt like Westboro was reading an entirely different Bible from the one I grew up reading. I feel that Phelps-Roper does a good job of showing the brainwashing that takes place, as well as her complicated feelings of affection for her family, even as she becomes convinced that what they are doing is wrong. As someone who converted from an Evangelical denomination to the Eastern Orthodox Church in college, I could sympathize with some of Phelps-Roper's experiences, though mine were in every way more gentle. I would have liked to see a little bit more about the romance between Phelps-Roper and the lawyer, whom she eventually marries -- I'll admit, the age difference between them squicks me out just a little -- and a little bit more of her life after Westboro. Still, a great read, especially if (like me) you've ever wondered how a group that's purportedly "Christian" could spew such hatred.½

The subtitle provides the perfect summary of Megan Phelps-Roper’s new memoir, Unfollow. This book gifted me with the most complete, most human, picture I’ve ever had of the Westboro Baptist Church—the church in which Megan, beloved granddaughter of Pastor Fred Phelps, grew up. It is a well-crafted description of Megan’s formative years, her devotion to her family and church, and how the very values she was raised to cherish eventually led her away from both.

There were moments I was sick to my stomach at the truly vile actions Westboro members took. Yet the book forced me to hold, uncomfortably, the complex nature of humanity. Many of us are familiar with the experience of having loved ones who are incredibly dear to us who, at the same time, contain depths of cruelty that we are not blind to.

But I’m a sucker for tales of transformation, and Megan’s story, both written and lived, makes me optimistic. Real, deep personal change is the process of a lifetime, and I like to hold out hope for even the worst of us. The chapter on her grandfather’s last days broke my heart wide open.

Part of me believes in something like karma as well. When Megan experienced the most profound rejection of her lifetime, she was forced to come face-to-face with the reality lived by those she had hurled vicious words at her entire life—the LGBT community. Their response to her “coming out” can only be described as divine.

It was a book that only a Westboro insider could write. I’m so grateful she has chosen to take her experience and turn it into a public discussion of extremism and the dangers of silencing dissent. This book is definitely joining my list of top reads for 2019.