Aruni Nan Futuronsky

I personally found this book disappointing. I was interested in reading it because it suggests one of the main themes has to do with stuttering as a child, and the later experiences of this woman. I used to stutter quite badly. It only really went away when I stopped going to school and no longer had to deal with the fear of having to speak in front of others. I purposefully went to UCLA, because I knew they had huge lecture halls, and the risk of being required to speak was minimal. The very few pages that she does actually describe how it was for her are accurate, but she quickly goes on to drugs, sex, and participating in social protests. Finally, she gets more mature and starts going to therapy for her "trauma." I was not sure what "trauma" she was referring to, then it became obvious she is talking about "the trauma of stuttering." I have been a physician, a psychiatrist, for over thirty years. "The trauma of stuttering" smacks strongly of "therapist-speak." Almost all stutterers perceive the problem as a "defect" in themselves, very shameful, but always because there is something wrong with them, they can't do what other people seem to be able to do naturally. A "trauma" comes from without. There are definitely incidents that are particularly shameful, e.g. the other kids laughing, or mimicking you with uproarious mirth by everyone around you. Once I made myself laugh with them at how "funny" I was, so as not to appear so alien or "weird." I didn't even tell my parents about the trouble I was having in school until the 5th grade, because it was "my fault" or "my problem." The teacher said we had to do some project where speaking was involved, and I was so desperate, I had to confess to my mother (very shamefully) that my problem was this bad, so that maybe she could write a note to my teacher to excuse me from the project. I don't remember what happened, probably because the thing that really looms in my memory was the shame of having to tell my mother. (My mother wasn't totally clueless, but I didn't stutter nearly as badly at home and she didn't realize how bad the problem was at school.)

So, this is a long way of saying that stuttering is "shame-based" for the vast majority of people, meaning we feel its a problem within us, not because we feel something came at us or did something to us, or hurt us. It is felt as the defect within ourselves. When the other kids laughed, I actually didn't blame them. It was my fault that they discovered this "really bad" part of me such that I just can't "do" something right. However, this is not a "trauma." It felt very, very hopeless and scary, where every afternoon was a cliff-hanger watching the clock minute by minute, terrified I was going to be called on before school was over. This is a prominent hardship for any school child, but I know a lot of children who have to drag themselves to school every day due to some other fear, that, from a child's viewpoint, is just as bad. You can't play "I Can Top That" with childhood stressors.

I think I felt so disappointed with this book, because her childhood stuttering was given such short shrift when she is describing it, then it is largely ignored while she has a "fascinating" life, and only taken up again to use as a "trauma."

Some people may be genuinely interested in her (short) description of her childhood stuttering, or interested in her somewhat counter-culture life, but I don't recommend you put much stock in her "trauma" issue or therapy for it.… (plus d'informations)