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The Living Dead: Switched Off, Zoned Out - The Shocking Truth About Office Life (2005)

par David Bolchover

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Switch on the business news and you will probably be bombarded withyet more workplace experts telling you that everyone nowadays isgrossly overworked, madly juggling their work-life balance untilthey finally keel over and die from the sheer stress of it all. Weall know that's right, don't we? The real truth is that there are millions upon millions ofpeople who are actively disengaged from their jobs, who spendmonths and years sitting in offices doing next to nothing, lost inthe cracks of laughably inefficient and abysmally managed largeorganisations, their talents wasted and long forgotten. The LivingDead unmasks the myth of the workplace for the first time. It tellsthe truth. Not cloaked in humour, as in Dilbert and The Office, butin plain black and white. The Living Dead will captivate anyone anywhere in the world whohas ever worked in a large office environment, or those who have agenuine desire to make people's working lives more productive andenjoyable. Here are some astonishing statistics about office life youprobably never knew: 40 per cent of all casual drugs users in the US (peoplewho use drugs just once a month) still choose to do it at work.19.6 per cent of people who take drugs at work do so at theirworkstation. One in three mid-week visitors to the theme park Alton Towershas taken the day off work on a dishonest pretext. One in five US workers has had sex with a co-worker during workhours. Full sex, that is. 44 per cent of men and 35 percent of women have had at least some sexual contact atwork. One third of UK young professionals are hungover at least twicea week on working days. Two thirds admitted to having called insick due to alcohol at least once in the previous month. 70 per cent of Internet porn sites are accessed during the 9 to5 working day. More than half of the UK's 14.5 million pet owners say theywould need between two and five days off work to grieve for a deadpet, while 10 per cent said they would need as much as twoweeks. Monday (23 per cent) and Friday (25 per cent) are the days mostcommonly taken off sick by UK employees. Wednesday is the mostrarely taken (8 per cent). UK doctors receive 9 million 'suspicious' or 'questionable'requests each year for sick notes. David Bolchover writes frequently on business and management issuesfor The Times and The Sunday Times as well as a number of othernational newspapers and specialist publications. His first book,The 90-Minute Manager, outlines the lessons which business managerscan learn from football managers. Previously, he was employed forseveral years in a large office. But now he wants to do somethingwith his life.… (plus d'informations)
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So, let me say straight off that this is not my usual choice of reading.


I think I must have spotted the title due to the 'Zombie' inference, which caught my eye - if I'm being honest. To be fair, the cover quickly made it clear that it was a social commentary on the darker taboo of office life. I could have popped it right back on the shelf without ever opening it, but something sparked my curiosity further. Darn good marketing; and after I had scanned through the Introduction I was hooked; so, obviously clever writing that can capture the attention of someone who had very little interest in the subject matter initially.

The author David Bolchover aims to highlight the fact that a large proportion of the global workforce are so bored and disillusioned with the workplace that they often employ a diverse range of creative ways to get them through the drudgery of the working week. These tactics include such activities as drug abuse, pornography and sexual relations with other co-workers. Mr. Bolchover provides statistics (with notes) which at first may seem hard to believe:

One in three people has taken a class A and B drug such as cocaine or ecstasy at their desks.

One in five US workers has had sex with a colleges during work hours.

70% of Internet porn sites are accessed during the 9 to 5 working day.

UK doctors receive 9 million 'suspect' requests for sick notes each year.

The list goes on...

David goes on to show how these acts are symptomatic of a larger problem, and that many 'workers' simply have little to occupy their days with.
Whereas this is clearly not true of everyone; it does raise a lot of serious questions about our current society.
Beyond the sensationalism, beyond the outrageous statistics, there does seem to be a valuable observation that many people's skillsets are being squandered by poor management and a wasteful capitalist system which is failing a large proportion of its workers.

Here is a typical paragraph from page 43:

"Millions of unproductive people are not being forced out of their cushy, salaried hiding place to contribute their resourcefulness, talents and energies in a less stultifying environment, which counters personal drift and pushes them to achieve. People may feel bored and lifeless in their jobs, but it's too easy for them to stay put for too long, psychologically trapped by cosy financial security. And all the while using the minimal ingenuity required to fool their bosses into believing that they serve a useful commercial purpose (not that most of the bosses care whether they do or don't."

It's a very cynical view of office life. Having worked in large corporate companies as well as local authorities over the years, I can certainly concede some of his points; but I would suggest that they are more prevalent once you reach the level of middle management and actually away from the poor hard working bastards toiling away in call centres, technical support, and software testing teams whose lives reflect a very different kind of Hell.

Perhaps David Bolchover spoke true when he himself said 'A business book is almost always written purely to promote the author's name, and not in any way to say anything interesting, original, or useful'. He mentions Corinne Maier's book 'Bonjour Paresse' over and over; and David is clearly gutted that Corinne beat him to the punch in publishing her expose on office life first. I can clearly envisage Mr. Bolchover cursing to himself in Yiddish 'I should have written that!'. 'The Living Dead' is obviously his attempt to leap on Corinne Maier's coattails and write a similar book, if from a different angle; and to be fair, I think he succeeds.

His Seven Ages of a Great Leader did have the ring of truth:

The Normal Worker
The Team Player
The Observer of the Corporate Game
The Arse-Licker
The Shit Manager (with Board Team)
The Licker of Important Arses
The Out-of-Touch Leader, with Wads of Cash


The book raises a number of fair points; but, all I really got out of it was confirmation of many of my own observations and not anything new or ground-breaking. I'm glad the book was written if only to put into words what every 'Zombie' already knows all too painfully. At least while shuffling through the desolate post apocalyptic wilderness they will finally know that they are not alone. Perhaps this knowledge will be enough to allow a few to wake up and regain their humanity by demanding satisfaction from their employers or prompting them to quitting - but I doubt it. It'll probably only depress them further. A rut is a rut for a reason.

It was a short but worthwhile read.
I also learnt that Minet means 'blow job' in Russian. From now on I will be very careful when I ask a former Soviet for 60 seconds of their time. :o ( )
  Sylak | Feb 7, 2018 |
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Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies. - Albert Camus
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To the forgotten talents of the Living Dead
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We are living in an era of workplace stress.
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The chief executive of one company which had lost large numbers of employees in the September 11 terrorist attacks referred to the 'grief' felt by the company 'family': 'Rest assured that we will do everything in our power to look after our own as can be seen with outpouring from our people all over the world.  Our family sticks together, because famlies support each other.  Families never forget their members.'
How can people forget others they never knew in the first place?  Anyway, what about all the 'members' who had been made redundant in the past?  You can't sack a real family member.  This type of language is not only nonsense, but deeply insensitive to the real grief of real families.
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Switch on the business news and you will probably be bombarded withyet more workplace experts telling you that everyone nowadays isgrossly overworked, madly juggling their work-life balance untilthey finally keel over and die from the sheer stress of it all. Weall know that's right, don't we? The real truth is that there are millions upon millions ofpeople who are actively disengaged from their jobs, who spendmonths and years sitting in offices doing next to nothing, lost inthe cracks of laughably inefficient and abysmally managed largeorganisations, their talents wasted and long forgotten. The LivingDead unmasks the myth of the workplace for the first time. It tellsthe truth. Not cloaked in humour, as in Dilbert and The Office, butin plain black and white. The Living Dead will captivate anyone anywhere in the world whohas ever worked in a large office environment, or those who have agenuine desire to make people's working lives more productive andenjoyable. Here are some astonishing statistics about office life youprobably never knew: 40 per cent of all casual drugs users in the US (peoplewho use drugs just once a month) still choose to do it at work.19.6 per cent of people who take drugs at work do so at theirworkstation. One in three mid-week visitors to the theme park Alton Towershas taken the day off work on a dishonest pretext. One in five US workers has had sex with a co-worker during workhours. Full sex, that is. 44 per cent of men and 35 percent of women have had at least some sexual contact atwork. One third of UK young professionals are hungover at least twicea week on working days. Two thirds admitted to having called insick due to alcohol at least once in the previous month. 70 per cent of Internet porn sites are accessed during the 9 to5 working day. More than half of the UK's 14.5 million pet owners say theywould need between two and five days off work to grieve for a deadpet, while 10 per cent said they would need as much as twoweeks. Monday (23 per cent) and Friday (25 per cent) are the days mostcommonly taken off sick by UK employees. Wednesday is the mostrarely taken (8 per cent). UK doctors receive 9 million 'suspicious' or 'questionable'requests each year for sick notes. David Bolchover writes frequently on business and management issuesfor The Times and The Sunday Times as well as a number of othernational newspapers and specialist publications. His first book,The 90-Minute Manager, outlines the lessons which business managerscan learn from football managers. Previously, he was employed forseveral years in a large office. But now he wants to do somethingwith his life.

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