William Ury

Unfortunately, the world is full of people who still think that negotiation is a strong-man game. The one who made the least concessions wins.

This is the most fundamental, basic book to break through that view. At this point, the information in here is old-hat if you're dealing with someone who's a professional negotiator (sales, arbitration, etc) but if you hate negotiating because you just see it as an arm-wrestling competition, this is a great book to get started changing that view.… (plus d'informations)

Negotiation is a crucial life skill. For some, it’s inherent to being a part of society, especially with expensive purchases or haggling in open markets. For others (like lawyers), it composes a part of their professional skillset. Either way, most people can stand to benefit from learning more about the art of negotiation. Many negotiation guides seek to maximize gains by taking strong positions. However, as these authors point out, this strategy can hurt long-term relationships by hurting the well-being of one party. Instead, they suggest building negotiation around a mutual appreciation of fairness. This leaves relationships and reputations in tact while getting a satisfying result.

The authors make a couple of assumptions. First, most people are most afraid of being “taken” in a negotiation. They do not necessarily want to maximize their result, but rather, they mostly do not want to lose the negotiation. Second, fair standards can anchor a negotiation by framing it objectively in a proper ballpark. Instead of taking positions, parties are encouraged to do research to look for a fair result. While this decreases the likelihood of “winning big,” it increases the likelihood of a mutually satisfying agreement. (Thus, it decreases the likelihood of a “bad” agreement.)

With these goals in mind, the authors reframe the language around negotiation to help readers achieve these results. Ample examples from a variety of settings exist within this work. They coach how to deal with trying situations, like power differentials, difficult people, and adversarial tactics. They focus on long-term benefits from reputation and win-win relationships instead of just winning one contest.

Those who value the social fabric will appreciate this book’s approach. It’s goal is to get to “yes” – that is, to get to an agreement instead of dramatically maximizing the windfall. Obviously, not everyone will agree with this style of negotiation, but it has many benefits. Most of all, it encourages fairness and politeness without turning it into passivity. It’s good training (and therapy) to think through dealing with difficult negotiation tactics ahead of time. This sets the stage for real-life encounters. After reading this book, I look back on several big, past negotiations that I could have handled better. At least I’ll be more prepared for the next one.… (plus d'informations)

Summary:
A book to help you develop an ability to stick up for yourself and say no to things that aren't going to work for you and your values. Also helps in developing dialogue as a means of resolving conflict.

Things I liked:

Addition of BATNA/Plan B. to the an overall objective of dialogue and collaboration. I found this a very nice addition to the framework presented in 'Crucial Conversations' (which I use a lot and rate highly)

Things I didn't like:

A lot of his examples seemed contrived because he doesn't identify the BATNA or really and negative experience that occurs or could occur. Situation crops up, person applies the yes/no/yes formula, situation magically resolves itself.

I think it would have been better to have fewer of these pithy examples and maybe a few more deep case studies. It would have helped me to apply the approach in my own context.


Lesson Learned

It's not my responsibility to solve the reactions (fear, anxiety, anger, sadness etc) of people when I deliver them my 'no' (grounded in my own values and things I care about). People will often move through a dynamic path when presented with a no and you can watch them move from fear, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance (don't get sucked into their journey if you don't need to).

Highlight

Have a BATNA that delivers your value before you try to dialogue. Even if you don't need it, it will improve your psychology to have it ready.
… (plus d'informations)