Gary Lundberg
Auteur de I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better
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Œuvres de Gary Lundberg
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Statistiques
- Œuvres
- 6
- Membres
- 237
- Popularité
- #95,614
- Évaluation
- 3.4
- Critiques
- 4
- ISBN
- 20
- Langues
- 3
Listening is hard to do. We want to jump in with the solution to the other person’s problem. It is amazing how we “know” what the other person “should” do, but if we end up with the same problem they had, we become as confused or witless as they were. Don’t prescribe, just listen.
Listening is so hard to do that here is a whole book on the topic.
Listening is so hard that this book gives six principles “that empower others to solve their own problems.”
“Validation is not a cure-all. It is a way to get some relief from carrying burdens that are not yours. It is a way to let people close to you carry their own responsibilities, while helping them feel loved by you to a far greater degree. (Introduction)
“...every person you see has the universal need to believe inside themselves that: I AM OF WORHT, MY FEELINGS MATTER, AND SOMEONE REALLY CARES ABOUT ME. It would be well to memorize this statement so you can recall it whenever anyone begins to share personal feelings with you.” (Chapter 1)
Contents
Part 1: The Principles
1. Be an effective validator
2. Leave the responsibility where it belongs
3. Acknowledge emotions
4. Develop the art of listening
5. Find the right time to teach
6. Learn the effective validating phrases and question
Part 2: The Application
Chapters illustrating validation in various setting follow
Conclusion
1. What is validation? “The ability to walk emotionally with another person ...”
2. What are the four rules of validation?
- LISTEN (by giving your full attention)
- LISTEN (to the feelings being expressed)
- LISTEN (to the needs being expressed)
- UNDERSTAND (by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can)
3. What is the universal need of every human being?
4. What is the underlying principle that allows a person to effectively validate someone else?
5. Where does the responsibility for someone’s problem lie?
6. What are the four key elements of effective boundary setting?
7. When is the right time to teach?
8 Give two good validating phrases and questions? (Page 266-267 of 272)
It is written with lots of anecdotes. At first that was a bit disappointing, and I gradually realized that is what most people relate to. After realizing that I began to quite enjoy the book. I even enjoyed the chapters in part 2 talking about settings that don’t apply to me.
I have the 1995 edition, which has the same ISBN as the 1999 edition, but is 272 pages long instead of 304 pages.… (plus d'informations)