Mary Sheedy KurcinkaCritiques

This was a godsend for me and my spirited child!

purely hypothetical reading, of course.................

Often reading through parenting books is like shopping for a used car. There are a lot of books with scant ideas pretending they're worth the 300 pages they're printed on, like slimy salesmen trying to pawn off piles of junk at full price. The ratio of help to filler can be aggravating. So imagine my surprise when I found this parenting book: one that not only earned its pages in good ideas but exceeded my expectations. If you have a spirited child this is *the* book to read.

My wife and I didn't realize just how spirited our first born was until we had a second child. I mean we had a small idea but when you only have one child it's hard to distinguish between baby-in-general and this-specific-baby. Well with a little context we gathered this-specific-baby is extremely spirited and a lot of the parenting skills we had to develop were not the same ones our friends with kids were dealing with. It wasn't only a matter of his being an extrovert, but an extrovert who feels feelings more intensely and has extra energy needs, therefore extra energy management needs. How wonderful for his two introverted parents, though he gets his spirited nature from me.

This book is full of useful (actionable) ideas to help with everything from solving tantrums over getting dressed in the morning to bolstering strengths with language that won't crush your little one's spirit. For categories where we seemed to be doing okay (food) it was confidence building to see how our overarching framework was on the right track so we can stick to the main theories when something new inevitably comes up.

From small but crucial tips (having them dress themselves in front of a mirror) to large conceptual charges (transitions can't come out of nowhere, even small ones) this book delivers.

If you or anyone you know has a spirited child I highly recommend this book. It's a game changer.

Often reading through parenting books is like shopping for a used car. There are a lot of books with scant ideas pretending they're worth the 300 pages they're printed on, like slimy salesmen trying to pawn off piles of junk at full price. The ratio of help to filler can be aggravating. So imagine my surprise when I found this parenting book: one that not only earned its pages in good ideas but exceeded my expectations. If you have a spirited child this is *the* book to read.

My wife and I didn't realize just how spirited our first born was until we had a second child. I mean we had a small idea but when you only have one child it's hard to distinguish between baby-in-general and this-specific-baby. Well with a little context we gathered this-specific-baby is extremely spirited and a lot of the parenting skills we had to develop were not the same ones our friends with kids were dealing with. It wasn't only a matter of his being an extrovert, but an extrovert who feels feelings more intensely and has extra energy needs, therefore extra energy management needs. How wonderful for his two introverted parents, though he gets his spirited nature from me.

This book is full of useful (actionable) ideas to help with everything from solving tantrums over getting dressed in the morning to bolstering strengths with language that won't crush your little one's spirit. For categories where we seemed to be doing okay (food) it was confidence building to see how our overarching framework was on the right track so we can stick to the main theories when something new inevitably comes up.

From small but crucial tips (having them dress themselves in front of a mirror) to large conceptual charges (transitions can't come out of nowhere, even small ones) this book delivers.

If you or anyone you know has a spirited child I highly recommend this book. It's a game changer.

The best book I've read on what author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka calls "spirited children" - those kids that seem to be "too much" - too loud, too active, too sensitive. Full of encouragement, support, and what has worked for other parents for their spirited kids, this book is like a breath of fresh air for a parent who has been struggling.
My favorite suggestion was changing the labels you use. Instead of "hyper", try "exuberant". The labels we use are the ones children are going to internalize. "If someone complained, ‘Silas is awfully loud,’ I would respond, ‘He is dramatic, isn’t he? Let’s get him outside where we can appreciate that more.’"
Definitely recommended as a must-read for parents and care-givers of kids who are spirited!

An excellent book describing children who are intense, perceptive, and sensitive, with ways of helping them cope when life overwhelms them. For any parents with young or pre-teen children, even if they don't think their children fall into this category. Lots of good advice.

I read and reread this book several times as my child grew up; over and over it reassured me that I was not alone and helped me understand my child and myself. An absolute lifesaver. Thank you for writing this, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

I thought that Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book "Raising your Spirited Child" was pretty informative. It has good information about how kids who are high spirited are different than others and different approaches that can be taken with discipline.

I didn't get a ton of new ideas out of it because many of the tips and techniques are similar to those recommended for parenting children who have experienced trauma. However, there were a few new (to me) ideas sprinkled in.

As the mother of a three-year-old "spunky" son, this book helped me understand more where my son is "coming from" in terms of his personality and why he is the way he is. Acceptance is a huge factor is not losing my own sanity, because spunky and spirited kids are often mis-labeled as troublemakers, ADHD, and so on.

However, I wish this book had more organization. For instance, sections for younger children and then older children would make it more easy to navigate; instead, I waded through anecdotes and information about teens that I am not necessarily concerned about at this moment.

My biggest concern with this book is that it does not offer much in the way of helpful tips in dealing with/communicating with spirited children. It's more of an explanation of why spirited children are the way they are and how their brains work. Which is all well and good, but after I have a layer of background information I would like some tips on how to, for instance, help my child navigate the world more effectively.½

Amazing book for anyone with children -- "spirited" or not.

If you're the parent of a "spirited" child (sometimes also known as "difficult"), this book may help you find the solutions to your parenting nightmare that you've been searching for.

Like most books of this type, the tone is breezy and conversational, as the author attempts to talk the frazzled, desperate parent down from the ledge and invite him or her in for a conversation on how to keep from going crazy in the future. But don't let the easy tone fool you: there's plenty of concrete, specific advice about parenting a spirited child here, backed up by solid research and years of practical experience.

Some of the book's strengths:
- There's a useful discussion of the distinction between ADHD and spirited behavior (esp. in regard to "distractibility") in Ch. 3 and elsewhere.

- The advice on "Letting go of the dream child" (in Ch. 4) is also quite useful, and is the only place I've seen this important subject addressed so frankly.

- The discussion of adaptability is very useful for distinguishing between willful disobedience and a genuine need for more transition time (e.g., more warning).

The book's weaknesses are relatively minor:
- Some of the cultural references are dated (1970s & 80s), and there's some cultural location marking as well -- midwest usages like "pop" for soda or cola, or the phrase "a scuzzy word" for a curse-word, for example. These can be a little distracting, but don't detract much from the content.

- The research isn't up to top academic standards--citing what others have said about Jung's work on personality types, for example, without ever going back to the original source (Jung). But then, this book doesn't pretend to be a rigorous academic study.

- Like most (all?) books of this type, there's a fair amount of repetition, as concepts get restated in various ways and forms (examples drawn from the author's own family, stories from parents in parenting classes, tables and questionnaires, research cited, etc.). This seems endemic to the genre, and in any case it's easy enough to skim a section if you feel you've already mastered the concept or gotten the message.

Conclusion:
As a practical guidebook for parents of "spirited" children, this book is a good choice. It is both accessible, encouraging, informative--and most importantly--full of useful and effective advice. I would recommend it in conjunction with a book from the Positive Discipline series. Though there is some overlap between these books, repetition of some key concepts and strategies isn't necessarily a bad thing, and there's enough that's unique to each approach to make reading them both worthwhile.

This is the best parenting/discipline book I've read, it really gets to the heart of parenting and equipping your kids to be both responsible and emotionally healthy.

A good book for suggestions on how to avoid temper tantrums and other bad behavior in children who fall on the "spirited" end of the spectrum.

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Recommended in The Highly Sensitive Child