Liz Kelly Licsw

Let's face it....people today are hurting mentally. Everything seems so overwhelming, negative, and mean! While I wish, as Americans, we could all afford to seek help for when we're feeling down, the truth is that most people cannot afford it. Or are afraid of the stigma associated with "therapy". I myself, having grown up in the Midwest, find it hard to ask for help. We were always told, "put on your big boy pants", "suck it up", and "don't be a pansy". It's taken me many, many years to undo all of that "advice".
Thankfully, there are people out there who can make a difference. Like Liz Kelly, the author of this book. For the cost of a fast food meal, you can purchase this book and start experiencing a better way forward. Or check it out from the library. Either way, this book is full of information to help you.
It's a very easy read, not at all intimidating. No use of big words or jargon. No pseudo fru-fru science. Just plain language, easily understood, and very helpful. Identifying issues and problems, and then using her techniques and hints to put into use.
I particularly identified with several of her points. One thing I find myself doing is feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And having to fix anything and everything that is happening. Kelly explains, in an effective way, that I am not responsible for someone else's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Another area that I need to work on is setting boundaries. Due to some traumatic things that happened in my past, I have always tried to be a "people pleaser". If I can just make everyone happy, then they will not harm me. (Trust me, some of us really feel that way). As a result, I tend to let people 'walk all over me", and do not speak up for myself. Kelly gives you some things to concentrate on to help with this "setting boundaries". I've tried it a few times since reading this book, and it really worked! The world did not come to an end, and I felt better about myself afterwards. I'm going to keep trying, and maybe it will become a habit.
I know that I have rambled on a lot in this review, but I really, really want people to give the book a try. You don't have to suffer, just because you cannot afford a therapist. Give this book a go, and I bet you will be very surprised!
I received an Advance Reading Copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley, in exchange for a fair review. I receive about 100 books a year, and for this one, writing a review was incredibly easy.… (plus d'informations)

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review through NetGalley.)

-- 4.5 stars --

"I like to think of the mind as a garden. You nurture and grow the flowers, vegetables, and fruit (your beneficial and realistic thoughts) and discard the weeds (your unhelpful and untrue thoughts) before they overtake your garden."

I'm not exactly what you'd call a voracious reader of self-help books; not because I don't need the help (lol), but because I find most of the advice to be rather vague, intangible, and, well not all that helpful. Oftentimes I walk away feeling confused and overwhelmed, with no idea where to start, or how to put the principles I just read about into action.

But Liz Kelly's THIS BOOK IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY? *This* is the self-help book I've been looking for.

A LICSW (licensed independent clinical social worker) and therapist practicing in the Washington, DC area, Kelly offers a plethora of practical advice for surviving and thriving if/when therapy isn't an option.

This includes sections on:

- Self-care (including physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, recreational, financial, and professional); pro-tip: self-care isn't always doing what feels good

- Cognitive distortions; countering and reframing negative thoughts; naming your inner critic and putting them on trial; and positive self-talk and affirmations (be your own damn cheerleader!)

- Breaking the cycle (downward spiral) over overthinking

- Practicing self-compassion (ask yourself: "Would you treat your best friend this way?")

- The mind-body connection, including activating your "rest and digest" system (parasympathetic nervous system) to promote calmness: by using grounding techniques; mindful breathing; meditation; visualization; progressive muscle relaxation; power posing; being in nature; mindfulness, activating the vagus nerve (by singing, yawning, or gargling); yoga nidra; massage; practicing gratitude; cold water immersion; and hugs, cuddles, and weighted blankets

- Regulating your emotions

- Radical acceptance

- Establishing and enforcing boundaries (a "fuck budget")

- Dealing with emotional dumpers (eve if that person is you!)

- Building and nurturing connections by finding and meeting good people; active listening; fighting fair; and apologizing like a pro

- Dealing with grief and loss (including collective grief)

- Finding meaning in your life through belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling

- Identifying your core values and constructing a life that honors them ("Turning your values into action allows you to live with intention rather than let the momentum of the daily grind take over.")

- Finding a therapist and getting the most out of therapy

Each chapter ends with three "action items" that expertly distill the main points of the section into concrete steps that you can take today, this week, or even in this moment. I especially love the action items in the final chapter (on finding a therapist); like I said, I often walk away from self-help books feeling lost and overwhelmed, but these final three action items encourage the reader to create an achievable, realistic path forward by choosing just one or two takeaways and putting them into practice.

Kelly has a cheeky, conversational style that I found engaging, but might not be for everyone; if you don't appreciate a well-placed f-bomb, maybe keep walking. (Tbh, she had me with the Fred Rococo reference.)

As a youngish widow, I found the chapter on grief especially poignant ("Grief sometimes feels like being homesick for a place that doesn’t exist anymore."), if necessarily brief. In the other direction, I found the relationship stuff ("This Is Your Brain on Love") a little out of place. Dating advice feels like a whole other conversation/book/genre. But maybe that's just because I'm single, cranky, and not looking (see, e.g., "young widow").… (plus d'informations)