Bad match of book and reader. This child's eye view of a regressive sex cult intent on disempowering women and shattering family bonds did not work for me. The child is just a victim, what interests me about cults is how and why they hook people, and how people come out and reshape their lives and I saw none of that here. Not for me. No star rating since I think the fault here lies with me.

Until Guinevere was nine years old, the only life she knew, was inside the Lyman Family community. The Lyman Family was a “doomsday” cult. The world was supposed to end in January 1975. Of course, that didn’t happen. God wasn’t ready to pull the plug. Turner was a die-hard diarist and she includes many of her own entries, to detail her life in the “Family”, in this absorbing memoir. She seems to have had a very pleasant childhood, despite being separated from her mother. The ugly part of her life began, once she was reunited with her mother, who had left the Lyman community. Unfortuantely, she was married to a monster and Guinevere was abused for years.

I particualrly enjoyed the first half of this book, dealing with the Lyman Family. The second half was more painful to read. It is still a well-written memoir and one I recommend. ( )

Child abuse comes in many forms. It isn’t always overt or physical. Indeed, the more subtle kinds can have profound effects on childhood well-being as well as impede adjustment into adulthood. Turner’s memoir tracks her coming-of-age in two abusive environments, one overt and the other more subtle.

She spent her early childhood in a doomsday cult where her memoir takes its title. Mel Lyman taught his followers that the “world” had lost its way and would not be saved in the apocalypse. But the Lyman family would be delivered to safety on Venus. Of course, this did not happen. Yet delusional thinking seems seminal to understanding the cult and Turner’s upbringing.

Guinevere experienced emotional neglect from both the Turner Community and her biological family. Both environments were hierarchical and controlled by powerful adults. Her needs were ignored or invalidated overtly in her mother’s home, but more subtly in the commune where, despite being encouraged by Jessie, she was essentially still treated as the help. Jessie was a “queen”, and this meant everyone, including Guinevere, needed to bow to her whims. Guinevere saw this special relationship as empowering compared to her previous status working on the commune’s Kansas farm, yet it was just another form of adult control. In the final analysis, both environments taught her to question her worth and to hide her emotions.

Her mother’s significant other, FP, was particularly vile. His relationship with Guinevere was transactional and filled with gaslighting. He created a toxic environment where her worthiness was contingent on meeting his standards, including sexual favors. Moreover, she witnessed his constant demeaning and physical abuse of her sister and mother over minor mistakes and shortcomings. This engendered fear and anxiety. As she grew up, Guinevere came to understand that what was happening with FP was not normal and attempted several break aways. However, these were repeatedly thwarted by her mother out of fear for her own wellbeing and reprisals from FP.

By its very nature, the Turner cult isolated Guinevere. This became readily apparent when she left the commune and discovered that she had little knowledge of how things worked in the “world.” She proved to be socially clumsy at school and with her peers. Her friends were often amazed by her lack of sophistication. This engendered feelings of shame, identity confusion, and a distorted sense of self-worth.

Ultimately, Guinevere was forced to assume the parental role for her mother and sister. Such a situation can hinder emotional development, but in this instance, it seemed to have the opposite effect. When given the opportunity to return to the commune, Guinevere came to see its softer forms of abuse as shortcomings. In light of her newfound freedom, she elected to remain in the “world” and has achieved success there.

Turner was an inveterate diarist. This practice reflects the lack of control she felt in her environment. “(K)eeping a record of what was happening to me felt like the only power I had.” This gives her memoir a youthful perspective and a confessional feel emphasizing her strong sense of helplessness. However, close adherence to her childlike diaries also gives Turner’s narrative the feel that it is naïve and aimed primarily at an YA audience. This is unfortunate because it detracts from the seriousness of her themes. ( )

This was a tough book to read. After spending her early childhood in a cult, where she didn't even live with her mother, the author's family, which included her mother's boyfriend were kicked out when she was 11. Things got much worse for her when her mother's boyfriend started abusing her. But she was determined to get away from him and the toxic environment and she succeeded. It is hard to read about the abuse she suffered, but her story is inspiring. Thanks to NetGalley for the digital ARC. ( )