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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom (2006)

par Celia Rivenbark

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In a humorous compilation of essays, the author draws on her Southern heritage to address the secrets of celebrity mothers, why children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls, and other commentary on life south of the Mason-Dixon line.
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3rd book by Celia Rivenbark. This one she takes on a number of topics, children, husbands, sickness southern style. Some of the stories include going to a Hillary Duff concert with her daughter. The rise and fall of Krispy Kreme and Howard Johnsons. A school field trip to the zoo. How to be a slacker mom and never get picked for volunteering for PTA functions. Reality TV and celebrity talk show programs. Really much funnier than this is stating. Everything has a southern spin to it with some light ribbing to northerners thrown in here and there. ( )
  ChrisWeir | Mar 23, 2019 |
Silly Southern books are my guilty pleasure. I also love comedy books, and this is a hybrid of those two things, so I checked it out from the library. It was a really easy read; I blew through it in one day. But it was poignant and laugh out loud funny, a great Southern satirical view on family and pop culture. Worth reading! ( )
  MissWordNerd | Jul 14, 2018 |

This is a good book about raising children in this century (not the how to kind)....

It is not as funny as I hoped it would be and sometimes the author starts on a subject but gets sidetracked and then goes to the conclusion....

I still don't understand (and I NEVER WILL) about taking a six-year old to Disney World for 5-7 days..... Just the thought of the expense for myself sends me into fits.

Some of the highlights for me were: ****************************************QUOTES**********************************

"Thankfully, there have been some improvements on the old Valentine system I remember from grade school, when the not-so-popular kids got five or six and everybody else got a whole bunch. It was a hateful little ritual that nobody seemed to notice was slap-your-baby cruel."

"Why does Paris (Hilton) want kids? 'I know that kids complete your life,' she said in an interview in People magazine. 'I think having kids will make me happier than I am. Plus, I already treat my three puppies like kids!' Yes, well, as long as you have a realistic notion of motherhood. The goal of any baby should be to bring happiness to his shallow-as-a-pie-pan mother. And if you can train that baby to eat on all fours from a Five-Hundred-dollar bowl bought at a Rodeo Drive boutique and shaped like a giant bone, well, so much the better."

"Ever since I gave birth, I've watched with a mix of horror and admiration those mommies who do it all. They work full-time, lead Scout Troops, and volunteer to host foreign exchange students. They exercise for an hour every day, shuttle their kids all over town, cook nutritious meals, and collapse every night for five hours of tortured sleep. Finally they've gone from a low hum of discontent to a full-fledged whine. And all I can say is this: It's About Damned Time. It turns out that 'Slacker Moms' like me are considered to be the ones who are truly mentally healthy---scary isn't it?"
( )
  Auntie-Nanuuq | Jan 18, 2016 |
Just finished this one. It was okay but I didn't find it to be side-splitting. I think the publishers doomed it for me by putting a blurb that says, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view," on the front cover. Dave Barry is my all-time favorite humorist and it's dangerous to get my expectations that high. I found Rivenbark's humor to be a pale comparison, and she even "steals" some riffs I think of as belonging to Barry, such as phrases that would be good rock band names, made-up mottos for organizations, and anagramming.

Rivenbark's style is very conversational and most of her observations are pretty acerbic. She is at her best when she is relating her own experiences with motherhood or other aspects of life, and not as funny when she's commenting on the larger society.

This was a quick read and fun enough, just not as good as I expected. ( )
  glade1 | Feb 17, 2014 |
Pretty darn funny follow-up to "We're Just Like You...". Most will recognize someone omewhere in here, not you of course, but "friends"...slap yo mama funny... ( )
  ScoutJ | Mar 31, 2013 |
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For my parents, Howard and Caroline Rivenbark, with love and gratitude for never letting me look skanky
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Studies say that children don't remember all that much, and certainly nothing good, until they are at least six years old.
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In a humorous compilation of essays, the author draws on her Southern heritage to address the secrets of celebrity mothers, why children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls, and other commentary on life south of the Mason-Dixon line.

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