I read a large section of this book in the evening, alone for hours, with a high school football game raging in the background. I read until the sun was gone, and further on till the spotlights were not enough to penetrate the dark. I thought about the not-so-subtle juxtaposition of my my “aloneness” and the fact that I was reading The Loneliness Files. How apt. How sadly apt.

I wish I could quote specific passages, but as I always abide by the rules to never quote an arc, I’ll just assure you that the writing was both poignant and beautiful as well as lyrical and — often — concise. Athena Dixon is honest and vulnerable in these essays, and it’s striking. The parts I marked, specifically, contain exploration or acknowledgement of the ways in which those who suffer true loneliness face warring realities of wanting to be alone, but aching because of that aloneness. And sometimes, that truthfully, one doesn’t even want to be alone, only the world never quite feels comfortable. She talks about the crafting that goes into our online personas and identities. The strange discomfort of being comfortable as yourself but uncomfortable that you are not the prime version. It goes into things I have never heard anyone else explain, and I felt so painfully seen in the life and experience of another human being.

But this memoir, as no memoir should be, was not simply a vessel to explore myself… no. In fact she shared the unique experience of online dating, and deeper so, that reality when you are a Black woman. She discussed fandom and fan culture and the ways in which society dictates who has a voice there, with discrimination through race and age, gender and more. I also really loved that she discusses true crime and devastating news articles about people who die alone. I found it empathetically, carefully handled and really made me think deeper about my own choices and existence.

I highly recommend this one. It is absolutely phenomenal and a startling example of the difficulties, unseen, in the world. It may help you to understand your own reality… but it will create space for your to understand others. Not to mention, getting to know Athena through her own words was moving and inspiring and just, quit frankly, quite special.

Thank you so much to Tin House for providing me with an ARC. It has been such a gift! It’s out October 3, 2023! Preorder this! You’ll be glad you did. ( )