Isaac "Fig" Griffin has always felt something was missing. When he catches his mom in a lie about the identity of his father, he goes searching himself. He's got a great support system, best friend Charlie, boyfriend Christopher, and his mom, but somehow he doesn't want to share his troubles or truth with any of them. On a road trip to San Francisco he and Christopher meet Max, a girl who shares the same sadness in her eyes. And he finally has someone in his life with whom he wants to share. The group is trying to retrace the steps and track down Alex Griffin, the father that Fig has never known. Heart wrenching, touching, and a journey through place, time, and self. ( )

“[In] this thoughtful and gentle exploration of grief, loss, and family ties . . . Brandon’s character development is exceptional—everyone is a complicated mix of damaged, loved, and resilient in varying measures. An ambitious amount of West Coast gay history (Compton’s Cafeteria riot, for example) is woven in with overall success . . . Isaac is a deeply likable protagonist who actually gets the answers he has longed for, even if they aren’t to the questions he thought he was asking all along.” —The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

I was attracted to this book mostly because of its San Francisco (particularly historical San Francisco) and Los Angeles settings and both places were beautifully and accurately written. I thought that I knew a lot about the San Francisco history parts but I learned a lot. This is a wonderful Los Angeles book and a wonderful (historical and modern) San Francisco book.

I really liked the characters. I enjoyed how they were introspective and thoughtful, and caring and loving.I loved the dog! The storytelling is engaging.

I love the pro-LGBTQIA+? narrative and appreciated the non-binary character and other characters who identified in various ways and how those things were not the only important things about these characters.

I was glad about the happy endings because there was one conclusion that I found sad, and probably sadder than I was meant to feel about it.

Note that there are a lot of possible trigger warnings warranted here including self-harm and an (off the page) rape.

I got vicarious pleasure from all the research that Isaac/Fig did as that is the kind of person I also am. A friend and I did all sorts of research on others as older children and teens and young adults and some of it also came about because of secrets and lies. I was wondering right along with him.

It made for satisfying reading in a young adult book to have most of the adult characters as well as the teen characters be well rounded and interesting people.

“I know what it’s like, to feel like you don’t belong.… People don’t know what to do with you once you’ve lost a parent at our age. It’s like being in a members-only club you never asked to join. And once you’re in, you’re in for life.”

“I guess I know a fake smile when I see one. It’s easy to put one on for others, even when you’re screaming inside. Just so they’ll leave you alone. I’ve had practice.”

“ I realize now that sometimes words can do a severe injustice to what you actually feel.“

There is a wonderful author’s note at the back of the book. He talks about his own background and about societal change and its current state and his hopes for it.

I read the hardcover edition and sometimes simultaneously read the audio edition which I also enjoyed and is read by the author. ( )