I have really mixed feelings about this one.

I have severe PTSD myself, from childhood trauma, and I generally really gravitate towards stories like this which feature PTSD, but it felt sort of half-done, despite its lengthiness. There were a lot of side characters I never cared about, the flashbacks at the beginning of the chapters were more interesting, raw and gritty than many parts of the story itself, which made me yearn to get to the next one, and I don't really need to hear about a McMuffin and burnt coffee, and 500 other tedious details, because at some point we slide from trying to ground the story in a contemporary, gritty world, to realising that the lacklustre existence of these characters re: these details is building a lacklustre story.

That being said, I think you can tell there's been some research here, especially into the operations of Australian law enforcement and psychiatric holds etc. and I really respect that. I like that John never 'fixes' Caleb (i.e. there's no magical healing c*** trope), and I like the moments we get to see Caleb's agency, though sadly they're few and far between, because so much of the story has to focus on Caleb constantly being triggered due to the nature of this also being a 'casefic' or a story that's extremely case focused.

Caleb does read like a fifteen year old, and not a twenty three year old. Some of that can be forgiven as 'his entire childhood was stunted by a cult,' but it also makes the relationship strange. Caleb's love feels more like trauma-bonding infatuation, and John's love in return feels like trauma-bonding paternal instinct. After a while, I wanted to see this relationship *develop* and *evolve* and I came to resent the fact that what felt like about 80% of this story isn't about Caleb, or John, but about Jessica, and Liz, and John-and-Darren, and David, and cases, and re-interviewing people we never see again, and a not-quite-cohesive web of ensemble characters who ultimately don't feel much like found family (except for Sepela, I love her).

I feel like this story was going for an atmosphere and a mood I could never quite find. The blurb combined with the title made me think this was going to be something it ultimately wasn't, I think I was looking for something a little more tender and hopeful, and a little less 'SVU but literary and dusty.' And sometimes I found myself thinking 'sure everything feels realistic, but when did realistic have to be so boring.' There feels like too much of a reliance on linear time in the chapters instead of time jumps in the narrative (with the exception of the flashbacks), and I think this story really suffered for not letting us see the inside of Caleb's mind, so we could really *see* that he wasn't just a stunted 'fifteen year old in the body of a twenty three year old.' Because like, not going to lie, a lot of the time he was sedated, in psych wards, screaming, harming himself, or behaving like a puppy or a teenage boy in love, and *not* like an adult. Even one or two chapters of his viewpoint would have opened up a whole world of confidence in him, that is...kind of lacking - not from the characters, I feel like John really does believe in Caleb, but the way Caleb was described, made it seem like the author was torn between giving him adult agency, and showing that he Really Was Truly Traumatised By That Cult Stuff, and unfortunately given his life is ruled by his Dad, John and Harper, he comes across as a child who doesn't want to be a child anymore, and not like an adult who's been an adult for a few years.

And as someone with PTSD caused by severe childhood trauma, I actually found him completely unrelatable, because of it. Which you know, is kind of a shame. A miss from me, but I can also see why other people love it. ( )

Very tough, emotional topics written extremely well. The sensitivity and empathy Lisa Henry shows in writing these characters is amazing to me. This felt very real and authentic to me, very relatable. There's no magic cure-all to make everything perfect, just real people making real loving connections and trying to do better and find happiness and peace. Highly recommend. ( )