"In our society, to admit that you are not cut out to be a mother, that it gives you little satisfaction, would brand you as a reckless monster" (15).

I'd spent several years partnered with someone who had gone back and forth between absolutely not wanting children, to maybe wanting children, to finally definitively wanting to have children someday; through it all, I was firmly against the idea of children, though by the end, I had entertained the idea of one child. A recent article in the Atlantic confirmed what I had been mulling over -- that even in today's modern/post-modern/empowered woman era, it is still nearly impossible to "have it all."

This book traces the sociological and cultural undulations of feminism, traditionalism, new feminism, naturalism, and a whole slew of movements, from a French perspective. Some parts of the book are clunky due to translation, and there are a few typos along those lines as well. ( )

Short, blunt essay warning that women will simply refuse to have children if motherhood becomes too onerous and they don't get enough help & support from partners, employers and government. Interesting at a time when the "mommy wars" are really heating up. Badinter commends France for its child-friendly policies and points to the surprisingly high French birth rate. She shows particular venom for the La Leche League, which she condemns as a Christian fundamendalist cabal (it was founded decades ago by two Catholic mothers) with a subversive plan to send women back to the home, out of the workforce, and at the exclusive service of their husbands & children. Dry with lots of graphs, but I found it interesting. ( )

Very interesting topic, makes some really good points, kind of annoyingly written (almost a little sarcastic). Also, quite short and with weirdly large text and margins. Like... There's obviously a lot of information here, and this seems to be deliberately just skimming the surface.

Focuses on the naturalist movement of the last few decades (co-sleeping, attachment parenting, increased emphasis on breastfeeding, etc.) and on how government policies and cultural norms about motherhood are related to each other. On the contradictions women face:

"The first... is social. While boosters of the traditional family condemn working mothers, companies resent them for their children. For many, motherhood is held as the highest form of fulfillment for women even as it is devalued socially. Full-time mothers are unpaid, suspected of doing nothing all day, and deprived of a professional identity because their work requires no qualifications...

The second contradiction is conjugal. Couples tend to expect and desire children, yet, as many have noted, a child is not conducive to a couple's love life... A good number of young couples admit that they only realized the demands of the job after the fact ("no one warned me," they say). Increasingly, partners are taking a hard second look before launching on this adventure.

The most painful contradiction is personal, affecting every woman who does not identify with motherhood, every woman who feels torn between love for her child and personal desires, between wanting the best for her baby and wanting the best for herself. A child conceived as a source of fulfillment can, it turns out, stand in the way of that fulfillment. And, if we pile up a mother's responsibilities to the point of overload, she will feel this contradiction all the more keenly.

These contradictions are rarely given serious consideration. And by expecting ever more of mothers, the naturalist ideology not only fails to offer solutions, it makes the contradictions untenable. Wherever the prevailing ideal conflates [womanhood with motherhood], women who cannot fulfill the expectations pinned on them are increasingly likely to turn their backs on motherhood. [This is in reference to low and dropping birth rates in industrialized countries, and an increase in couples who are "child-free by choice".] In countries where being a woman and being a mother are seen as distinct identities, where the legitimacy of multiple women's roles is recognized, and where motherhood does not overwhelm all other possibilities, women do want to have children, even if it means falling short of the ideal of motherhood."

I'm not sure what to say about this book. Badinter brings up important issues, but doesn't offer much in the way of viable answers. And some of the points she brings up are, well, kind of pointless. What on earth do painkillers or lack thereof for laboring mothers have to do with "the status of women"? I know, I know -- she's talking about "the naturalists" and how they're trying to turn all women into martyr-mamas. But some of us weren't embracing the ecstasy of pain when we made the decision not to have drugs during childbirth. In my own case, I was used to my body being mean to me, so the prospect of pain wasn't fun but it wasn't terrifying, either. And why pump a bunch of drugs I didn't need into my baby right after I spent nine months avoiding them? I found the prospect of having a needle in my spine more daunting than the pain of labor, so I yelled a lot and pushed out my kid. That's what worked for me. That makes me a traitor to the cause of feminism?

As for breastfeeding -- I think Badinter is right that it would be nice to see more reports about its health benefits. I was surprised to see plenty of perfectly respectable medical sites touting its advantages without linking to or mentioning any studies. So let's say for the sake of argument that formula feeding is absolutely as healthy as nursing -- it's certainly healthy *enough*, in places where contaminated water isn't a problem -- and that any small differences are more than outweighed by the advantage of the mother being able to get plenty of help with the crucial task of feeding, rather than having it all on her. What about those of us who nursed because we enjoyed it and it's cheap? And convenient? I actually liked just being able to "plug" my baby in without having to boil anything, and wean him right to the cup. Am I holding back progress for other women?

I had so many things I wanted to talk about regarding this book. I think I can sum it up right here by saying that Badinter, who is French, thinks there's something terribly wrong -- very *American*, heaven help us -- about the idea that a woman shouldn't get drunk while she's pregnant. Like, even one time. *Or smoke.* What, not even once in a while? Not even marijuana? Must a woman sacrifice every last bit of happiness and live like a nun in order to be considered a good mother? Bah! ( )

Hm, well: not quite what I was expecting. Elisabeth Badinter has written this rather polemical work on the modern concept of Motherhood (the capital letter is deliberate, as Badinter finds the concept to be almost mythological in its power and scope) and the ways in which it confines and oppresses modern women. So, FYI: don't be thinking this is a research piece. She cites research but does not discuss it in depth; mostly this is a big strop on the sheer weirdness of the cultural shift away from female equality and back to the iconic Guardian Spirit of the Home.

And don't get me wrong: I actually agree with some of this. I am watching women my daughter's age crucify their "friends" on Facebook for sins against Proper Mothering: They feed their child two French fries instead of whipping up organic baby food! That sling they use is completely out of date! Have they taken pictures of that baby to record every hour of its life? No? Whyever not? A Good Mother would.

Badinter minces no words. She is disgusted by the current trend which makes mothers completely subservient to their infants, hyper-vigilant to their every whim and fancy; and she is even more disgusted by the impact this will inevitably have on women's ability to obtain higher status in society. A women tethered to her baby for years and years of nursing is not a woman with a high-status job; but, as she rightly points out, a woman who cuts any corners is rapidly becoming a pariah, judged mercilessly by her peers and by society as a whole as a Bad Mother.

I was interested in all that. The things I did not like were: the polemical nature of the book; the fact that it is written in French and translated into English, which causes the prose to be rather clumsy; and Badinter's ultimate conclusions, which seem to include praise for French woman who are bucking the trend by smoking and drinking during pregnancy and refusing to breastfeed. Unlike women in other European countries! She seems to link this to Frenchwomen's history of turning their children over to nannies so that they could concentrate on holding literary salons and whatnot. So that was peculiar. But still: a worthwhile read, if only as a counterweight to the endless onslaught of Being The Perfect Mommy books. ( )