I can’t remember exactly what train of citations led me to pick up this particular book, but once I got over the fact that I was reading a dating advice book, I found a number of good arguments which tie into recent readings on narcissism, the impact of feminism on male gender roles, and marriage trends. Gottlieb, a single woman in her early forties, wrote an article for the Atlantic in 2008 which sparked numerous letters, both positive and negative, and which inspired further research and writing on her part.

The book starts out with a good dose of humor as Gottlieb makes a list of what traits her “ideal guy” would have — and it spans three pages. She pokes fun at the specificity of some of the traits — over 5’10″ but under 6′, vulnerable but not weak, quirky but not weird, free-spirited but responsible — but poses the questions: “What’s the difference between settling and compromising? When it comes to marriage, what can we live with, and what can we live without? How long does it make sense to hold out for someone better — who we may never find, and who may not exist or be available to us even if he did — when we could be happy with the person right in front of us?” (9). She polls friends both single and married to find out why and how they got to their current relationship status, dredges up regrets and stories about “the one that got away,” and examines the portrayal of dating relationships in media such as movies and television. She also looks at the role of feminism, narcissism, and entitlement in creating a culture where women feel they must hold out for “Mr. Right,” bypassing many potential mates and foreclosing themselves to possible relationships. Gottlieb examines the options available to older single women, setting herself up for speed dating, matchmaking, online dating, as well as consulting dating experts, psychologists, and other researchers; along the way she interviews both women and men who have used these tools.

The author makes a number of points as she writes which many women will not appreciate; namely, that they are at fault for being unmarried, whether being too picky, too fickle, too afraid of committing too early. Still, she addresses them with good humor and an open mind, and this makes for a very readable and entertaining story. ( )

This book is almost a decade old, and the author (whose recent memoir I loved) was born the same year as my late mother.

I'm definitely not the target audience of this book.

I went to a university where we were harped on for being single from the age of eighteen — where you were considered washed up by 21.

I'm ten years past that, and I have had a lot of dating experience in the interim — men I thought I'd marry, hookups, and the ambiguous in-between.

The world has changed unrecognizably since this book was published — she refused to use a cell phone at that time, and politics was more idle chitchat than an organizing force for her Gen X peers.

There's next to no mention of sexual compatibility, and this book presents marriage as almost solely a venue for raising children.

And maybe, as someone who actively does not want children, I should take this message to heart in reverse — be more picky, and refuse to compromise, because what I'm selling only a minority of dudes are buying.

By temperament and experience, I'm much more drawn to this line from La Dolce Vita:

Stay free, available, like me. Never get married. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.

( )

I thought this book was interesting. I am already married but I was intrigued by what the author had to say. She makes some really good points and I can totally relate to the list that she refers to. I would completely and totally recommend this book to any woman that is still single but can't figure out why.

skimmed this one, basically a call to women to look beyond the superficial and realize the imperfections in all humans and human relationships ( )

Timely and wise, a book abour relationships today, and what happens when you leave it too late... I know a lot of women like those Lori Gottleib describes and my heart goes out to them, and I'm pleased to be able to offer something that might get them on to a different track. ( )