Amazing. Every woman should read this. ( )

A gem of a read especially for any woman who has ever been told, "You shouldn't feel that way!"

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self -- our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions -- is being compromised in a relationship. Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortably do or give. Or our anger may warn us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth."

"The taboos against our feeling and expressing anger are so powerful that even knowing when we are angry is not a simple matter. When a woman shows her anger, she is likely to be dismissed as irrational or worse."

"Anger is inevitable when our lives consist of giving in and going along; when we assume responsibility for other people’s feelings and reactions; when we relinquish our primary responsibility to proceed with our own growth and ensure the quality of our own lives; when we behave as if having a relationship is more important than having a self."

"Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others."

"We are responsible for our own behavior. But we are not responsible for other people’s reactions; nor are they responsible for ours. Women often learn to reverse this order of things: We put our energy into taking responsibility for other people’s feelings, thoughts, and behavior and hand over to others responsibility for our own."

Lerner addresses the longstanding social constraints that inhibit women from understanding anger and using it as a positive tool to improve their most important relationships. Engaging writing and timeless wisdom. I only wish I'd read it when it first came out nearly 30 years ago. ( )

DNF - Though I appreciate her insights on anger, a lot of what she says is based on gender constructs, especially male-female marriage relationships. For example, the husband was always the aggressor and the woman's anger came from her passivity and come out in nagging outbursts. Though this may be true in some situations, it would have been nice to see an alternative view as well. (Though I didn't finish this, so I may have missed those type of examples if she included them.)

Every married woman should read. ( )

The Dance of Anger is an insightful and prescriptive guide that shows women how to turn anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives.