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How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them - A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide (2008)

par Howard Mittelmark, Sandra Newman

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6103038,613 (4)13
"What do you think of my fiction book writing?" the aspiring novelist extorted. "Darn," the editor hectored, in turn. "I can not publish your novel! It is full of what we in the business call 'really awful writing.'" "But how shall I absolve this dilemma? I have already read every tome available on how to write well and get published!" The writer tossed his head about, wildly. "It might help," opined the blonde editor, helpfully, "to ponder how NOT to write a novel, so you might avoid the very thing!" Many writing books offer sound advice on how to write well. This is not one of those books. On the contrary, this is a collection of terrible, awkward, and laughably unreadable excerpts that will teach you what to avoid--at all costs--if you ever want your novel published. In How Not to Write a Novel, authors Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman distill their 30 years combined experience in teaching, editing, writing, and reviewing fiction to bring you real advice from the other side of the query letter. Rather than telling you how or what to write, they identify the 200 most common mistakes unconsciously made by writers and teach you to recognize, avoid, and amend them. With hilarious "mis-examples" to demonstrate each manuscript-mangling error, they'll help you troubleshoot your beginnings and endings, bad guys, love interests, style, jokes, perspective, voice, and more. As funny as it is useful, this essential how-NOT-to guide will help you get your manuscript out of the slush pile and into the bookstore.… (plus d'informations)
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A quick page-turning read for anyone interested in the craft of novelwriting and hoping for something a little less dry than some of the advice manuals out there. It takes the approach of addressing the reader as if he or she is trying to write a bad novel and then explains how to do that, under various subject headings, with humorously exaggerated example passages complete with silly character names. The general tone can be described as 'snark' or heavy sarcasm, perhaps a bit too heavy in places.

Having read a lot of writing 'how to' books over the years, attended courses and writers' conferences, been a member of various writers' groups and such, I didn't find anything I hadn't come across before, but had a few chuckles over some of the send-ups. However, I feel this is more of a humour book than a real advice guide: if someone is a complete beginner, perhaps a light-hearted book with checklists and examples which give guidance on how to actually do it might be more useful. So on that basis, I'm giving this 3 stars. ( )
  kitsune_reader | Nov 23, 2023 |
Some of this was amusing, and some of it informative, but eventually the format it was presented in became a bit tedious.
Some points are very valid, others I would say probably depend on the genre of the book being written. Lack of description may indeed in some cases take away from a novel, it's setting or it's characters, but in some cases the absence of description is as much description as is needed. For example, George Orwell's "1984", in which the dull, lifeless characters are the perfect protagonists for a dystopian future; Big Brother having drained the people of any real ability to express themselves, part of which is done by slowly eliminating more and more words from the English vocabulary.

As much as the authors insist that the things listed therein are what will keep your novel from being published, I have unfortunately read published work that features writing on par with the exaggerated examples laid out; some have even been bestsellers (but no surprises there, right?)
I also recall coming across many of the mistakes listed when reading books by some classic authors (though, that isn't in every case necessarily a bad thing.)

One frustrating mistake that both published and unpublished authors make, which I was surprised not to find covered in this book is when the author continually overuses words or phrases. Examples would be H. G. Wells "Tumult" obsession (I know I bring that up a lot), or how Francine Rivers has every character doing something with thier lip every other page (she bit her lip, he worried his lip, he pursed his lips).


Some final random observations:

- The authors are anti-meta (see they're section on post-modernism).

- It is assumed that the "unpublished author" of which is reading the book is a teenage girl writing wish fulfilment. (I conclude this from most of the exaggerated examples, as well as the fact that the hypothetical unpublished author is referred to as "she" throughout.)

- The book constantly switches between being "How Not To Write A Novel" and "How To Write A Novel", without any clear transition. As in, one minute they will genuinely be instructing you on how to write badly, the next they'll be pleading with you not to make these mistakes.

All in all, worth a read... I guess? There is useful information located inside, and some of it is rather amusing. If nothing else you might at least come away with a giggle, but in my opinion the best way to develop your skills as a writer would be to read as many good books as you can get your hands on, rather than reading someone else's opinion on what they think makes a good book. ( )
  TheScribblingMan | Jul 29, 2023 |
So I'm reading along, nodding because yep, did that, seen that, DNF'd that...

At 23% the authors wrote: "Protagonists should only be as nice as everyday people are in real life. Making them nicer than the average reader will earn the reader’s loathing, or make her laugh in disbelief."

I laughed, because wow, that's a ...take. Nicer than average exists, or the average would be meaner; that's how averages work. Good thing this isn't a math book. By that point I was skimming or skipping the examples entirely because they're the same joke. Helpful if you're new, probably. I'm jaded. This was an entertaining read and new writers really ought to read it because yes, wow, readers will thank you. But we are only ready for the lessons we're ready for, so.

CW: curse words, one or two gross references, discussion of sex scenes. ( )
  terriaminute | Dec 4, 2022 |
Gives examples of how to write bad. Very funny and instructive. ( )
  futureman | Mar 15, 2022 |
A great craft book that is full of reminders about what not to do. A must have for any writer's bookshelf. ( )
  JordanSummers | Mar 31, 2020 |
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Unpublished authors often cite the case of John Kennedy Toole, who, unable to find a publisher for his novel, A Confederacy of Dunces, took his own life.
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"What do you think of my fiction book writing?" the aspiring novelist extorted. "Darn," the editor hectored, in turn. "I can not publish your novel! It is full of what we in the business call 'really awful writing.'" "But how shall I absolve this dilemma? I have already read every tome available on how to write well and get published!" The writer tossed his head about, wildly. "It might help," opined the blonde editor, helpfully, "to ponder how NOT to write a novel, so you might avoid the very thing!" Many writing books offer sound advice on how to write well. This is not one of those books. On the contrary, this is a collection of terrible, awkward, and laughably unreadable excerpts that will teach you what to avoid--at all costs--if you ever want your novel published. In How Not to Write a Novel, authors Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman distill their 30 years combined experience in teaching, editing, writing, and reviewing fiction to bring you real advice from the other side of the query letter. Rather than telling you how or what to write, they identify the 200 most common mistakes unconsciously made by writers and teach you to recognize, avoid, and amend them. With hilarious "mis-examples" to demonstrate each manuscript-mangling error, they'll help you troubleshoot your beginnings and endings, bad guys, love interests, style, jokes, perspective, voice, and more. As funny as it is useful, this essential how-NOT-to guide will help you get your manuscript out of the slush pile and into the bookstore.

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