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Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity par…
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Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity (édition 2008)

par Kerry Cohen (Auteur)

MembresCritiquesPopularitéÉvaluation moyenneMentions
6919732,910 (3.36)34
For everyone who was that girl. For everyone who knew that girl. For everyone who wondered who that girl was. Kerry Cohen is eleven years old when she recognizes the power of her body in the leer of a grown man. Her parents are recently divorced and it doesn't take long before their lassitude and Kerry's desire to stand out--to be memorable in some way--combine to lead her down a path she knows she shouldn't take. Kerry wanted attention. She wanted love. But not really understanding what love was, not really knowing how to get it, she reached for sex instead. Loose Girl is Kerry Cohen's captivating memoir about her descent into promiscuity and how she gradually found her way toward real intimacy. The story of addiction--not just to sex, but to male attention--Loose Girl is also the story of a young girl who came to believe that boys and men could give her life meaning. It didn't matter who he was. It was their movement that mattered, their being together. And for a while, that was enough. From the early rush of exploration to the day she learned to quiet the desperation and allow herself to love and be loved, Kerry's story is never less than riveting. In rich and immediate detail, Loose Girl re-creates what it feels like to be in that desperate moment, when a girl tries to control a boy by handing over her body, when the touch of that boy seems to offer proof of something, but ultimately delivers little more than emptiness. Kerry Cohen's journey from that hopeless place to her current confident and fulfilled existence is a cautionary tale and a revelation for girls young and old. The unforgettable memoir of one young woman who desperately wanted to matter, Loose Girl will speak to countless others with its compassion, understanding, and love.… (plus d'informations)
Membre:burritapal
Titre:Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity
Auteurs:Kerry Cohen (Auteur)
Info:Hyperion (2008), Edition: 1st, 210 pages
Collections:Votre bibliothèque, En cours de lecture
Évaluation:**
Mots-clés:Aucun

Information sur l'oeuvre

Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity par Kerry Cohen

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    Drinking: A Love Story par Caroline Knapp (billmcn)
    billmcn: Same idea, except with alcohol instead of sex
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» Voir aussi les 34 mentions

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Clearly a quick and easy read, since I finished it in one day. This was an interesting and often sad and desperate story about a girl seeking love through sex. She feels powerful when she sleeps with guys, but after it is over she feels as though she is still looking for something...something she will never find by sleeping with dozens of men. I found her promiscuity easy to blame on her absent mother and permissive father, but in actuality it was her lack of self esteem and willingness to do dangerous things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging her. Part of me actually identified with her..the power of seducing a guy, the hope that it may be extra special...and the let down feeling when you realize it was just another mistake. Cohen became a writer and is able to articulate her feelings, along with spending time in therapy, which certainly helped.

I hope she is happy with her life now...and she has all her issues under control. I'm also glad that she wrote this book, to help all of understand the working of a woman's mind. ( )
  kwskultety | Jul 4, 2023 |
This isn't what I thought it would be.

This is a difficult book to read; not only because of the self-hate the author had for herself, but because of the pain that a double standard for the male and female-identified genders causes. I completely agree with those who reject gender.
When I was young, my mother made it very clear to me, but there was one set of rules for my older brother, and another for myself. I had no intention of abiding by these rules, and tried to follow everything that my brother, my hero, did. Oh, but you will be treated differently if you do that! Which she did. I was a slut; my brother was her darling boy.
My mama is long gone now, but the pain she inflicted on me from this double standard still comes back, especially when I read a book about this subject matter.
My mama couldn't show affection; it wasn't in her makeup. My father was too taken up with his depressive disorder, and consequent rage with the world, to notice that his kids were observing all of the violence that he did to himself. He would slam his head against the wall in rage. Meanwhile, my mama would cry and claim that she was just an old workhorse, that she would just run away.
My mom and dad had seven kids, that they were not financially nor emotionally equipped to raise up. I thought I could find love and acceptance with boys, when I came into puberty. What I learned, very painfully learned, was that boys used girls as objects, and then threw them away. I kept trying to find love, until I was halfway through my life. And then I realized, that my subconscious would only ever choose a partner who would hurt me. That was when I decided: I don't have to have a partner. Moreover, I realized that I was the only one who would treat myself the way that I wanted to be treated.
It's been many years since I left relationships off my plate. Better late than never, my mama always said.

The author says about girls as young as 10 and 11:
"what statistics can't get at are the feelings of uncertainty and confusion that surround a young girl's sexual behavior. They don't get at how easy it is for a girl to use sex for attention. A boy once said to me, 'boys have to put forth real effort to get laid, while all you have to do is stand braless in the wind.' It's true. What's easier for a girl than to get noticed for her body? Using my sex appeal was default behavior. To not do so would have required more effort. Add to this the fact that I was desperate for attention - any attention - and men's interest in my body was the easiest avenue to being noticed. Of course, I confused their base interest with love. I needed to believe it meant something."
While the author led an entitled existence - her father was an engineer in the higher ups, and her mother was an artist, her parents were too self-involved to give their daughters the guidance they needed. Her father tried to be her and her sister's friend, and would hang out when they had their friends over, even bringing out a joint and lighting it up. Their mother, who their father abandoned, was almost hysterical with her grief, when he left. She acted more like her daughters' child, and grasped needily for their affection.
While their mother tries to make up for her lack of guidance with false words, their father makes up for his lack of parenting by buying his daughters things:
"later, though, knowing I'm upset, he drives me to Riverside Mall to buy clothes. It's our ritual. His way of doing something for me. It's a cliche, really. The divorced Dad buying his daughter's love. He waits on the bench the store provides for dads just like mine, the ones who will tirelessly wait while we, the daughters, try on clothes. And clothes shopping does make me feel better, at least briefly, because each new belly-bearing top or pair of close-fitting jeans creates one more possibility for me to attract a new boy. And a new boy could mean another chance at love.
Is there another reason girls Buy clothes?
At the register the saleslady Tallies the damage: $288 and change. Dad shakes his head and smiles at the woman conspiratorially.
'Daughters,' He says. 'They're so expensive.'
He says the same thing every time."

When the author is a teenager, and has already made inroads into her sex life with several partners, she reflects, after a hurried coupling with a boy, who has just left her after f****** her,
"he pulls his body away, the air suddenly cold. He pulls on his jeans, runs a hand through his dark hair, and goes off to the bathroom. I turn again to see my reflection in the window. I am lying on the couch, alone, shadowy. A Corpse. I quickly pull on my shirt and underwear. I fasten my bra beneath my shirt. I hear Dave in the kitchen and turn to see him pouring more whiskey. He holds a glass toward me, and I shake my head. I ask instead for water, which he brings me. That's nice.
When Amy and I leave that night, Dave hugs me then chucks me under the chin. It is sweet, affectionate, a Big brother's gesture. I smile, not knowing what else to do. I guess this is just how it is. Having sex is lukewarm, something you share for an evening. It's friendship-building. What else should it be?"

"heath" is her first boyfriend. Their relationship is a run of sex, until the day he tires of her, and gets cooler and then colder towards her. He breaks up with her, but she pleads with him not to. This part is triggering for me, because it reminds me of what I actually did when my boyfriends used to break up with me. I would ask them "what did I do?" not realizing that it wasn't me, it was them. It's heartbreaking how much boys can hurt girls, when all it's about is their penises, and for the girls it's about their tender innocent hearts.
" 'Kerry,' he says. I grip the phone, holding on to my name, his voice saying my name. 'It's over.' He wants to get off the phone, be done with it. He and his friends call having a girlfriend 'dealing,' and now he doesn't want to deal anymore.
'Can we at least talk in person about this?' I ask.
He sighs. "You can come here now, I guess.'
20 minutes later I park the Civic in front of his house. Before I have a chance to get out, he comes out the front door and slips into the passenger seat. Keeping me away from his home again. My heart is pounding, my mouth dry.
'what did I do?' I ask.
He leans his head back against the seat, revealing his pale neck, his Adam's apple. I wish so much he would just gather me in his arms, but I know that isn't going to happen.
'I just wanted to have some fun, you know?' "

The author reflects on the double standard for girls and boys, that she discovered when they were in high school, and everyone was having sex with everybody else. However, there was a slight difference:
".. there were plenty of other girls who were having sex. None of the jennifers were virgins, and neither were most girls I knew. However, these girls, unlike Kate and Sarah, kept sex restricted to relationships. I gossiped along with them, but secretly I wondered why it was the girl's fault that the guy didn't want more than a one-night stand. For all the ways we were told girls had equal opportunities, all the evidence that we wouldn't have to struggle to have what men have, this double standard seemed intractable. If a girl had sexual curiosity - and what girl doesn't? - she was considered a ho. Boys could direct the course of their sexual development; girls couldn't. It was the oldest dichotomy in the world. And it was also terribly confusing. I didn't want to be a slut. No one does. But since I didn't seem able to hold on to guys for more than a few weeks, I didn't see any alternatives that didn't include stopping sex entirely."

The sex goes on and on, and the author gets a lot of therapy. I feel like she never really figured things out, but according to the book, a man suddenly appeared that valued her for her mind, more than her body. They married and lived happily ever after. This is unreal to me, and I find it hard to believe it lasted.
The author talks about when she was a child and defended animals. However, I saw nowhere in the book where she talked about being a vegan, so I assume she means every animal except for farm animals.
".. when I was a little girl I used to love animals. I used to whimper over every smashed squirrel on the road, outraged at human carelessness. I used to run in front of strangers on sidewalks, stopping them so they wouldn't step on an ant. 'It's alive and you're alive,'I used to explain, adamant in my conviction. I wanted to be a veterinarian, or maybe a wildlife biologist. I imagined myself comforting a dog as I pulled sharp burrs from its paws, or in the wild somewhere, like Jane Goodall, coming to know some special animal the way she knew chimpanzees. But somewhere along the way I let that go too, lost to boys. Everything lost to boys..."
Oh, so that's what happened.
However, I commend the author for baring herself to judgment, especially by any man who reads this.
This disparity in how sex is treated between boys and girls needs to be exposed for what it is: a sickening, disgusting, harmful rule written by men. ( )
  burritapal | Oct 23, 2022 |
Ever call someone a slut? Or a ho?

You might think twice about the object (not subject since we objectify when we call someone names) of your label after reading Kerry Cohen’s memoir Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity.

Sex addiction is a real disorder–and treated by therapists and in rehab facilities around the country. This is the first book I’ve read about a girl who has this addiction. Her self-worth is completely connected to getting attention from guys. I use the word “guys,” rather than men, because at the end of the book, in an interview of Cohen, she explains that men have feelings and needs of their own, but that a “loose girl” doesn’t view males that way. She uses them for her own overpowering needs.

In this book, the reader is brought into the mindset of a teen girl and, later, young woman who is a sex addict. For me, this book was horrifying to read. Cohen knew intellectually the dangers of having unprotected sex, and yet she did, with guys she barely knew–one after another after another.

I suspect there are women and young women I know who have engaged in this kind of behavior. There might be many women like this.

The book is an engaging read, although the subject was disturbing. I stayed up too late finishing it as I wanted to have things set right for me at the end. I don’t want to include any spoilers here as I want you to have the same suspenseful read I had, so I will just say that the ending surprised me.

I did notice a couple of places where readers might demand something more. For instance, after Cohen develops a medical problem, readers don’t get to see how this affects her relationship with her boyfriend at the time. Instead, we jump ahead to “summer.”

Another opportunity missed might actually be intentional and part of the design of the book. Most of the characters, other than the male sex objects, are barely described. I don’t really have a good idea of how Cohen looks (other than her photo at the back of the book). Or her parents or therapist or best friends. The only exception is her sister Tyler, another victim of their neglectful upbringing. I suspect Cohen wants the reader to see the world as she saw it–cute boys with straight or curly hair and pretty eyes that single her out with their gaze. She may have described Tyler as a nod to Tyler’s shared family experience.

This book can benefit society by showing us what’s at stake when we just call someone a slut in a derisive way and don’t examine the root causes of her behavior. ( )
  LuanneCastle | Mar 5, 2022 |
A quick and upsetting memoir about a teenage girl who tries to fill the void of feeling unloved by having sex with lots and lots of boys/men. It should be read by every parent and every teenage girl. Reading it in a group would lead to excellent conversations, a chance to strip away the labels, the finger pointing, and get down to real honest conversations about love, sexuality, and self esteem. ( )
  RakishaBPL | Sep 24, 2021 |
This was an emotional read but it was a really good to have someone come forward and tell there story. Kerry did an amazing job writing this. ( )
  askum | Apr 27, 2014 |
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For everyone who was that girl. For everyone who knew that girl. For everyone who wondered who that girl was. Kerry Cohen is eleven years old when she recognizes the power of her body in the leer of a grown man. Her parents are recently divorced and it doesn't take long before their lassitude and Kerry's desire to stand out--to be memorable in some way--combine to lead her down a path she knows she shouldn't take. Kerry wanted attention. She wanted love. But not really understanding what love was, not really knowing how to get it, she reached for sex instead. Loose Girl is Kerry Cohen's captivating memoir about her descent into promiscuity and how she gradually found her way toward real intimacy. The story of addiction--not just to sex, but to male attention--Loose Girl is also the story of a young girl who came to believe that boys and men could give her life meaning. It didn't matter who he was. It was their movement that mattered, their being together. And for a while, that was enough. From the early rush of exploration to the day she learned to quiet the desperation and allow herself to love and be loved, Kerry's story is never less than riveting. In rich and immediate detail, Loose Girl re-creates what it feels like to be in that desperate moment, when a girl tries to control a boy by handing over her body, when the touch of that boy seems to offer proof of something, but ultimately delivers little more than emptiness. Kerry Cohen's journey from that hopeless place to her current confident and fulfilled existence is a cautionary tale and a revelation for girls young and old. The unforgettable memoir of one young woman who desperately wanted to matter, Loose Girl will speak to countless others with its compassion, understanding, and love.

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