I love this sort of weird girl lit-fic. Coming out of the Summer Olympics ('24), reading about growing up in competitive swimming is topical and relevant. The coming of age/horror of growing up is displayed vividly through that lens, and I never felt like Ren had completely lost it. ( )

Ooof. Dark and graphic story of a high school swim team member who endures sexism and all levels of sexual abuse throughout her high school career, all while dreaming of becoming a mermaid and scheming to make that dream a reality. Not for the faint-hearted. ( )

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway.

This book surprised me. I really would love to know which parts (obviously swim team) were based off of the author's life?

A creative take on finding your true self and the highs and lows getting there! ( )

Series Info/Source: This is stand alone book. I borrowed this on audiobook from my library.

Thoughts: This was well done and keeps the reader engaged. I know it is thought of primarily as a horror, but I thought it dealt more with issues of a teen girl collapsing mentally under all the pressure and abuse that she suffered. The more horror-like elements don't really come into play until the end of the story (of course the abuse is horrific, and that is throughout).

The story follows Ren Yu, from a young age, she knew she wanted to swim. As she gets older, she finds herself adored and praised for her abilities; if she works hard enough, she will get a scholarship to a good school, her parents will love her, and her coach will be proud of her. As pressures from life accumulate, Ren's sense of self starts to coalesce; she is not human, and she does not want to be confined to the worries of humans...she is mermaid.

There is a lot here. A lot about society, life, and the harshness of it all. A lot about the pressures and abuses facing women. Ren faces abuse from her coach which is always borderline; is it just tough coaching or is it abuse? Ren faces abuse from her teammates for her ethnicity and because of her sex (is it a big deal if another teammate rapes you? I mean Ren was drunk at the time, and she was wearing a sexy bikini, so is it her fault?). Ren also faces mental abuse from her family who are both completely absent in her life and constantly pressuring her to do better. She keeps hoping if she does well enough then maybe her dad will come back from China and maybe her mom will finally come to one of her swim meets. She also struggles with her own body and crippling pain from her monthly cycles. She watches as teammates are criticized for being too muscular, not muscular enough, too fat, and too skinny....as she is criticized for not having enough muscularity in specific areas of her body.

A pivotal character aside from Ren is her best friend Cathy. Ren expects just as much from Cathy as she expects from herself and is constantly disappointed...which is unfair; Cathy is just another kid like Ren. It was fascinating to watch Ren justify her descent into mermaidness. It was painful to watch her life and she why she felt she had to become something else, something non-human.

While this wasn't a comfortable read, it was a unique and intriguing one. It was well written and strangely engaging. I listened to this on audiobook and the audiobook was very well narrated. I would recommend listening to it if you enjoy audiobooks.

My Summary (4/5): Overall I am glad I read this, it is thought-provoking and strangely engaging...if not the most comfortable read at times. I would recommend if you enjoy reading coming of age stories with elements of abuse in them and elements of horror as well. I definitely plan on checking out future books by Song. ( )

DNF

Conceited unlikeable kid is obsessed with becoming a mermaid. Teases sapphic friend with her bloody tampons. Goes her own way.
I really did not like the writing.