An Immortal Affair Brought to Life

For most Americans, Violet Trefusis doesn't ring a bell. Vita Sackville-West, if she has any fame here, it is probably for her short affair with Virginia Woolf that followed years after her affair with Violet.

Violet and Vita were accomplished writers: Vita before Violet, Violet mostly in French, one of several languages in which they shared fluency. As Vita gained fame as a writer and Violet struggled to discover what she might do with her life--she drew and dabbled in writing at the time, they became among the most famous, some might counter infamous, affairs of 20th Century England.

Both were highborn women, Violet the daughter of Alice Keppel, the mistress of the Prince of Wales, Edward VII after his coronation in 1901, a discreet woman respected by all society, including Queen Alexandria, who invited Alice to attend the King's deathbed. Vita's lineage extended back to Elizabeth I by way of the Queen's cousin, Thomas Sackville, then through the Earls and Dukes of Dorset and the Barons Sackville; Elizabeth granted Thomas Knole House, if not the largest, then among the largest of English homes. (Virginia Woolf, who wrote Orlando for and about Vita, set much of the novel at Knole, because it was synonymous with Vita and was her greatest love and its loss due to inheritance laws her greatest regret.)

Affairs within the upper class occurred. Discretion begat tolerance. Scandal arose when lovers stepped beyond the bounds of discretion. And so was the case with Violet and Vita. At the time of the affair that blazed across Europe from its beginning at Vita's home, Long Barn, in April 1918, to its slow, painful end by the close of 1921, society buzzed about the women while their mothers, cast from carbon steel, maneuvered to end it. Vita was a married woman with a diplomat husband, Harold, and two children. Violet, single at the start, found herself coerced into a marriage with Denys Trefusis, who agreed to Violet's outlandish requests and suffered from the lashings of her vituperative tongue.

Violet's letters to Vita present half of the affair. Vita's letters to Violet no longer exist; in a rage, a common emotional state for him during these years of their marriage, Denys destroyed them. Unfortunate, for they would immensely increase our understanding of what the two shared read side by side. For Vita's recounting of their affair, you can read her memoir composed at the end, with her son Nigel's clarifications, explanations, discussion, and defense of her long, loving, and unorthodox marriage to Harold Nicolson, as well as her relationship to himself and first son Benedict, in Portrait of a Marriage.

This volume of Violet's letters opens with a comprehensive overview written by Professor Mitchell A. Leaska. Leaska does an excellent job of explaining not only the events of the affair, but also adds insight regarding the women's family histories, as well as psychological perception about their actions.

Violet and Vita met as girls in 1904, when they were 10 and 12 respectively, at school. They visited each other's homes. In 1908, Violet accompanied Vita and Rosamund Grosvenor, Vita's love at the time, and their governesses to Italy. There, Violet first declared her love for Vita. In 1910, the two began a steady, almost daily, correspondence that continued through 1921.

Violet's letters chronicle their affair as it develops, strengthens, matures, and, finally, disintegrates after their fiery clash at Amiens in February 1920, with fed-up husbands and Violet's father adding to the drama. Violet's offense? Breaking her pledge never to have sex with her husband Denys, who, incredibly, had agreed to abstain as a condition of marriage! Vita, for her part, had ceased sexual relations with Harold soon after the birth of Nigel.

In their relationship, Violet assumed the role of passive lover; Vita, with pronounced masculine tendencies and a wish to have been born a boy, was the strong, controlling counterpart, sometimes dressing as her alter ego Julian. Violet continually played to Vita's desire, as well as her need always to be more than just Mrs. Harold Nicolson.

To whet your appetite, here are a few samples of Violet's writings:

"I tell you," she wrote in 1918, "there is a barbaric splendour about you that conquered not only me, but everyone who saw you. You are made to conquer ... not to be conquered."

Appealing to Vita's need for control and mastery, Violet wrote in June 1918: "I revel in your beauty, your beauty of form and feature. I exult in my surrender ... I love belonging to you -- I glory in it, that you alone ... have bent me to your will, shattered my self-possession, robbed me of my mystery, made me your, yours, so that away from you I am nothing but a useless puppet!"

As the affair intensified, she urged Vita to leave Harold and run away with her: "I think you now realize this can't go on, that we must once and for all take our courage in both hands, and go away together. What sort of life can we lead now? Yours, an infamous and degrading lie to the world, officially bound to someone you can't care for, perpetually with that someone, that in itself constitutes an outrage to me ..."

After the breakup at Amiens, Violet declared: "If you lead me to think you are never coming back to me, there is but one way out for me, and that is ... Death."

Once more, toward the close of 1920, she wrote: "For you I would commit any crime; for you I would sacrifice any other love. My love for you terrifies me."

But in the end, Violet conceded: "... I am dazed with grief ... You have chosen, my darling; you had to choose between me and your family, and you have chosen them. Of course, you are quite right. I do not blame you."

Recommended if two of the previous centuries most fascinating women intrigue you, and for a front row seat to an impassioned affair of two highly literate, expressive, and iconoclastic women who wanted to break the bounds of conventionality but ultimately found themselves bound by them for social and financial reasons.
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An Immortal Affair Brought to Life

For most Americans, Violet Trefusis doesn't ring a bell. Vita Sackville-West, if she has any fame here, it is probably for her short affair with Virginia Woolf that followed years after her affair with Violet.

Violet and Vita were accomplished writers: Vita before Violet, Violet mostly in French, one of several languages in which they shared fluency. As Vita gained fame as a writer and Violet struggled to discover what she might do with her life--she drew and dabbled in writing at the time, they became among the most famous, some might counter infamous, affairs of 20th Century England.

Both were highborn women, Violet the daughter of Alice Keppel, the mistress of the Prince of Wales, Edward VII after his coronation in 1901, a discreet woman respected by all society, including Queen Alexandria, who invited Alice to attend the King's deathbed. Vita's lineage extended back to Elizabeth I by way of the Queen's cousin, Thomas Sackville, then through the Earls and Dukes of Dorset and the Barons Sackville; Elizabeth granted Thomas Knole House, if not the largest, then among the largest of English homes. (Virginia Woolf, who wrote Orlando for and about Vita, set much of the novel at Knole, because it was synonymous with Vita and was her greatest love and its loss due to inheritance laws her greatest regret.)

Affairs within the upper class occurred. Discretion begat tolerance. Scandal arose when lovers stepped beyond the bounds of discretion. And so was the case with Violet and Vita. At the time of the affair that blazed across Europe from its beginning at Vita's home, Long Barn, in April 1918, to its slow, painful end by the close of 1921, society buzzed about the women while their mothers, cast from carbon steel, maneuvered to end it. Vita was a married woman with a diplomat husband, Harold, and two children. Violet, single at the start, found herself coerced into a marriage with Denys Trefusis, who agreed to Violet's outlandish requests and suffered from the lashings of her vituperative tongue.

Violet's letters to Vita present half of the affair. Vita's letters to Violet no longer exist; in a rage, a common emotional state for him during these years of their marriage, Denys destroyed them. Unfortunate, for they would immensely increase our understanding of what the two shared read side by side. For Vita's recounting of their affair, you can read her memoir composed at the end, with her son Nigel's clarifications, explanations, discussion, and defense of her long, loving, and unorthodox marriage to Harold Nicolson, as well as her relationship to himself and first son Benedict, in Portrait of a Marriage.

This volume of Violet's letters opens with a comprehensive overview written by Professor Mitchell A. Leaska. Leaska does an excellent job of explaining not only the events of the affair, but also adds insight regarding the women's family histories, as well as psychological perception about their actions.

Violet and Vita met as girls in 1904, when they were 10 and 12 respectively, at school. They visited each other's homes. In 1908, Violet accompanied Vita and Rosamund Grosvenor, Vita's love at the time, and their governesses to Italy. There, Violet first declared her love for Vita. In 1910, the two began a steady, almost daily, correspondence that continued through 1921.

Violet's letters chronicle their affair as it develops, strengthens, matures, and, finally, disintegrates after their fiery clash at Amiens in February 1920, with fed-up husbands and Violet's father adding to the drama. Violet's offense? Breaking her pledge never to have sex with her husband Denys, who, incredibly, had agreed to abstain as a condition of marriage! Vita, for her part, had ceased sexual relations with Harold soon after the birth of Nigel.

In their relationship, Violet assumed the role of passive lover; Vita, with pronounced masculine tendencies and a wish to have been born a boy, was the strong, controlling counterpart, sometimes dressing as her alter ego Julian. Violet continually played to Vita's desire, as well as her need always to be more than just Mrs. Harold Nicolson.

To whet your appetite, here are a few samples of Violet's writings:

"I tell you," she wrote in 1918, "there is a barbaric splendour about you that conquered not only me, but everyone who saw you. You are made to conquer ... not to be conquered."

Appealing to Vita's need for control and mastery, Violet wrote in June 1918: "I revel in your beauty, your beauty of form and feature. I exult in my surrender ... I love belonging to you -- I glory in it, that you alone ... have bent me to your will, shattered my self-possession, robbed me of my mystery, made me your, yours, so that away from you I am nothing but a useless puppet!"

As the affair intensified, she urged Vita to leave Harold and run away with her: "I think you now realize this can't go on, that we must once and for all take our courage in both hands, and go away together. What sort of life can we lead now? Yours, an infamous and degrading lie to the world, officially bound to someone you can't care for, perpetually with that someone, that in itself constitutes an outrage to me ..."

After the breakup at Amiens, Violet declared: "If you lead me to think you are never coming back to me, there is but one way out for me, and that is ... Death."

Once more, toward the close of 1920, she wrote: "For you I would commit any crime; for you I would sacrifice any other love. My love for you terrifies me."

But in the end, Violet conceded: "... I am dazed with grief ... You have chosen, my darling; you had to choose between me and your family, and you have chosen them. Of course, you are quite right. I do not blame you."

Recommended if two of the previous centuries most fascinating women intrigue you, and for a front row seat to an impassioned affair of two highly literate, expressive, and iconoclastic women who wanted to break the bounds of conventionality but ultimately found themselves bound by them for social and financial reasons.
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The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West are the one-sided conversation between the two writers. Vita's letters to Violet were destroyed by Violet's husband Denys and the racier ones destroyed by Violet herself. Their affair was much longer than the twenty-two years represented by this collection of letters. It lasted a lifetime. In Virginia Woolf's "love letter" to Vita Orlando Violet plays the role of Princess Sasha. It was a deep and lasting friendship and love affair that was even recognized by her current lover at the time.

The letters make the bulk of the book outside of the introduction. Small introductions are written to each section of letters. Vita was apparently was a rock star of her time. Women threw themselves at her. Violet was obsessed with Vita and it shows in the letters. No doubt the love shows through when Vita responds in kind. However, when Vita ignores Violet's pleas and amour, Violet grows almost fanatical in her devotion. She turns into what today would be a Facebook stalker in the age of letters. She mocks Vita for going back to her weak husband and domestic life. When things were good the letters reflected it. A series of letters uses pet names from Vita's Challenge Julian and Eve. Jullian was the persona Vita took on when she dressed as a man, as she did on more than a few occasions, when out with Violet.

The only problem I had with this book was the feeling I was only hearing one side of a phone conversation. The letters from Vita were lost long ago and would have made an excellent addition to this collection. It is difficult to tell if Violet was overreacting or perhaps even delusional at times without seeing Vita's letters. Vita does tell her side in her own works, but she has the luxury of framing things in her memory of past events rather than what was actually written at the time.

This collection of letters provides support and a check on Vita's own writing -- Portrait of a Marriage. Vita Sackville-West was quite the rebel, free spirit, and mover of her time. She is often seen just as a shadow of others like Virginia Woolf. Her writing was a second rate, according to Virginia Woolf, and only a few books remain in print. I found here writing hit or miss, but after reading Vita's autobiography, biographies, and letters and gaining insight into her life perhaps Challenge will have more meaning to me. The more I read about Vita Sackville-West the more interesting I find her.
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In one way this is a very interesting collection of letters, Violet's letters allow us to hear her voice in the most extraordinary way. On the other hand it is rather frustrating, because of course we only have Violet's letters not vita's and so Vita remains for ever a sort of enigma. Sometimes Violet's overblown sentiments, and abject pleadings got on my nerves a bit - I have to admit - although no one could accuse of her of having not declared herslef. Ultimately the story is not a happy one - for any of the people involved. Violet's mother the former Kings mistress Alice Keppel doesn't come out of it very well either and was obviously a very maniipulative woman, as was one of Violet and Vita's Friends Pat. Violet's husband Denys I wanted to feel sorry for but he was just too pathetic really. An unusual insight into a dreadful society scandal, which shows what a really good writer Violet was - her letters are testament to that, as well as for her love for Vita Sackville West.