Forensic anthropologists come up with weird titles. From Dead Men Do Tell Tales by William R. Maples to Bone Voyage by Stanley Rhine, you can picture the authors giggling to themselves as came up with that "perfect" title. And Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand certainly fits right in, even if the author didn't finish her doctorate until after she spent ten years working for the Baltimore PD as a crime scene investigator. It's her years as a CSI that this book is about. When Kollmann got her job as a CSI it was during a difficult period for that department. Previously, the job had been saved for police officers nearing retirement and there was a great deal of resentment aimed at these new civilians now working that job. Kollmann was subjected to cold treatment and some not-entirely-benign hazing but she stuck with it and did her job, often working in terrible conditions.

Kollmann is not a writer and this book would have benefited from some editorial attention. The first half is far better than the second, as Kollmann runs out of stories and fills the pages with the kinds of stories that are only funny after a long day and several beers. Kollmann has had an interesting career, and includes pictures of the archaeological digs she worked on and the work she did in the Balkans identifying victims of that war. Sadly, the pictures were included, but nothing made it into the text of the book, leaving this reader convinced that had she had more time (she admits that she wrote this book while she was working on her dissertation and caring for a baby) and someone to help her with the writing, this would have been an excellent and informative book. ( )

Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand
Curious Adventures of a CSI
by Dana Kollmann
Narrated by Kate Zane

I want to thank the publisher and NetGalley for letting me listen to this terrific book! I found it fascinating and informative. My job as a nurse was quite incredibly but she has me beat! I never had a dead man's hand in my mouth! Yuck!

This book is filled with interesting stories of how she got to be in this position of a civil CSI without having to be a police officer first and the problems she had to endure from the police because of it. She was considered a scab and treated pretty poorly from many cops.

She tells about some of her early cases, how her family felt about her job, her memorable dog cases, and others. She really had to have a strong stomach!

I found it so gross but interesting at the same time! Definitely a different kind of book! But I like different! Narration was terrific too! ( )

Gross, fascinating, and often hilarious account of one CSI's most interesting cases. Worth reading for the story where she tries to buy coffins in bulk over the phone alone. ( )

Graphic politically incorrect look at being a forensics as told by a former Maryland and Virginia crime scene investigator. Author Kollmann describes health risks, emotional encounters and offers some inappropriate gallows humor based on personal observations and interactions with others at work. This is a good book for individuals considering a career that involves working at a crime scene or those interested in the multitude of forensic shows on television. ( )

CSI CSI, CSI CSI CSI CSI. CSICSICSI.

Ok, sorry, I just needed to get that out. Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand is a book about forensic science. It is written by a 'crime lab lady' with a morbid sense of humor and a love for dead things. It's also glaringly marketed for fans of the TV show, CSI. The acronym is plastered all over the cover and even loudly proclaims fans of the show will love the book.

The funny part is, the author spends a whole chapter telling you how the real thing is nothing like the show, yet despite her seeming intention to distance herself from the inaccurate TV version of her job she frequently refers to it and other television programs in her text. I'm not really sure what she was going for here.

When I first got to know Dana through her book, I really liked her. She described how hard it was the be a female civilian trying to make it in the male-dominated world of police. I was cheering for her, I admired her fortitude and strength, and unwillingness to be intimidated. She seemed smart, funny, and strong, and I really appreciated what she went through to do what she loved.

Unfortunately, as she went on to describe some of the cases she dealt with over the years, I slowly began to hate her. She's snide and immature, there is no wit in her humor, and I found her mean-spirited commentary very off-putting and sometimes even offensive. I get the dark sense of humor, I like the stuff myself, and she needed it considering what she did for a living. And yes, she dealt with lots of bad people and saw lots of bad things. I don't care. That doesn't make her rude attitude acceptable in my book.

She's funny when she talks about herself. I guess because she doesn't have anyone but herself to be the butt of her jokes. The chapters about her schooling, her childhood, some of the mistakes she made or weird circumstances she found herself in, and the actual science were great. Technically the stories were interesting too. I just couldn't enjoy them when she was calling the fat man "front butt" or her repeated descriptions of how ugly certain women were. She just came off as a snotty, judgmental bitch. Sorry. ( )