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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science…
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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex… (original 2015; édition 2015)

par Emily Nagoski Ph.D. (Auteur)

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7662622,835 (4.28)8
***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER*** An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works--based on groundbreaking research and brain science--that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer--but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all. The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal. Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm. Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible. And Emily Nagoski can prove it.… (plus d'informations)
Membre:emeraldreverie
Titre:Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Auteurs:Emily Nagoski Ph.D. (Auteur)
Info:Simon & Schuster (2015), Edition: 1, 416 pages
Collections:Votre bibliothèque, À lire
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Mots-clés:to-read

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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life par Emily Nagoski PhD (2015)

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I found this book to be absolutely enlightening. Not only did I learn the physiological and physical similarities and differences between both men and women's sexual health, but I discovered my own "sexual type" and that I am, in fact, not broken.

It was relieving to read about scenarios that I have encountered myself, and to know that a large portion of women experience the same issues that I have. This book has really changed the way I view my own sexuality and I can better understand it as its portrayed and encouraged or discouraged in the media and by our culture. It was made even more poignant by the science and evidence the author uses to support the majority of the claims made in the book!

I would certainly recommend this book to both men and women, as I feel most of the information can be applied to ANYONE involved and interested in their sexual well-being and desire, and how it can be related to couples as well.

Overall, I give the book 4.5/5 stars, .5 stars off because I feel in parts that the author falls to the same trap that she stated she was trying to avoid - she continually advocates that a woman's sexuality is not simple like a man's is, but the reality is that both men and women can experience simple or complex sexuality and I would have liked her to be more encompassing of this fact. ( )
  katprohas | Dec 16, 2021 |
I love the enthusiasm for women's pleasure. I bet taking a workshop with this author is a hoot. I got tired of some of her metaphors for the complicated intersection of brain/nervous system/cultural assumptions, even while I see the usefulness of having metaphors for them. ( )
  Je9 | Aug 10, 2021 |
Ficticious story...

A young woman boards an airplane and sits in a row with a woman about 10 years her senior. As the plane takes off, the older women sneezes about 8 times in rapid succession. After a 5 minute interval, this happens again, and then again. The young woman asks the older woman if she is ok. The older woman states she is fine, she has a medical condition where every time she sneezes she has an orgasm. The younger woman, startled, blurted out, oh what are you taking for it??? The older woman replied "pepper". Back in the day I measured my penis: 22cm long and 18cm girth (as measured by one of my fuck buddies back then, and every other before her......girls are into size, as a general rule, in my experience). Contrary to popular opinion, a large penis is not necessarily a bonus. Many of my sexual partners over the years before I got married have told their friends.....leading to offers of 'extra-curricular' opportunity which I always responded to with" If Carla doesn't mind, but , have you asked her?.".....they never had. I've almost always been able to control my time of orgasm, be that symptomatic of size, I don't know, and have had unwanted attention because of these factors. Some girls love 'fucking', others, romance, foreplay and 'slow', however, when so 'full' theirs eyes are popping, most girls I've known just want to fuck, and be able to orgasm, and orgasm, and orgasm without concern their partner is going to pop his load inside a minute. I feel sorry for my best mate who has a cock so big, the head doesn't fit into a half pint glass. He was 24 before he met a girl who could accommodate him. They are still together, and her friends don't 'ask' anymore. For me, who cares? Make it work.....adults talk about their sex issues....dickheads pretend, and suffer for the pretense. Would've skipped this book, but I've been a bit hard-up for information on this, so I thought I ought to bone up. Of course, it's given me a few tips; I feel I can depart now without having gotten a swelled head.



NB: And women who say size doesn't matter are so shallow..... ( )
  antao | Jul 25, 2021 |
I read this on the recommendation of a friend who suggested it might help clear things up for me. She winked when she said it. And so, as a man, I realize I am not the target audience, which makes this a difficult thing to review.

The good: several of my female friends have told me that this book changed their lives. Evidently there is good advice here, and it definitely cleared up some misconceptions I had around women's sexuality. To that extent, if you can suspend your disbelief, this is probably a great read.

The bad: I mentioned suspension of disbelief. Nagoski often refers to "the science," claiming that whatever study proves her point. However, my overwhelming feeling throughout the book was that Nagoski had ideas that empirically seemed to work out, and was trying to justify them through the literature. While there are quite a few citations (none of which I followed up on), the studies she describes simply /reek/ of bad science. They are either studies about rats that she's extrapolated to human behavior, or they are unreplicated studies of n
While the facade of science probably lends an air of legitimacy to what otherwise would be a book of just-so stories, it completely falls flat to a scientifically-minded audience. And so I'm stymied here. Nagoski's methods are clearly bunk, but due to how many people I know personally whom have been helped by this book, I feel that I need to credit where it's due.

Should you get points for accidentally being right, even if your methods are completely wrong?

Another gripe: the prose here is rather egregious. It comes off a lot like having a chat-room conversation back in the early 2000s. For example, Nagoski doesn't seem to know the word "feelings," and instead, exclusively refers to "getting the Feels." There are a lot of strained analogies to popular culture, almost none of which I was familiar with --- and the ones I was, the metaphor didn't really connect. For example, she spent a few pages describing the plot of Groundhog Day, and then when she got around to her point, it really didn't seem to be related to Groundhog Day at all! I think it was about "why do vaginal and clitoral orgasms feel different from one another if they are REALLY AND TRULY JUST THE SAME THING?" but I can't remember.

Relatedly, the book espouses particularly bad ontology. As alluded to above, Nagoski decides by fiat that ALL ORGASMS ARE THE SAME. She adopts a non-standard definition of orgasm, and justifies this claim based on her new definition. She says, if you notice a distinction between vaginal and clitoral orgasms, that you are wrong. Because they are the same thing. "And besides, every orgasm is different from one another, so why differentiate?"

Nagoski makes this misstep many times throughout the book. Maybe it's just me splitting hairs, but she willingly and oftentimes redefines a word. Clearly she is attempting to remove stigma or get past some cultural blocks, or whatever, but make no mistake --- this is the work of a marketer, not a researcher. Nagoski evidently has something to sell here, which she admits, but it's unclear whether she's aware she's doing this, or whether her thinking really is this sloppy. Like it or not, words mean something, and we use them because they usefully carve distinctions that we'd like to make. It's fine to show us that these distinctions are mistaking the forest for the trees, but a better approach than saying "you're wrong, orgasm doesn't REALLY mean that" is "here's a better word that better carves reality at its joints."

The ugly: the major takeaway of this book seems to be "no matter what your sexuality is, it's normal." There's a lot of dark-arts psychology in the prose of this book, in an attempt to reassure the reader that they are "not broken." My initial, uncharitable response to this was "what sort of sad, weak person needs to seek reassurance from this?" But then I remembered the women who have praised this book to me, and quite a number of them are remarkably strong, wildly inspiring humans.

As such, I have reconsidered my view, and instead interpret the book's reaffirming attitude as evidence of just how fucked up women's sexuality must be in our culture. As a man, this is never going to be a thing I will experience first-hand, so any evidence is helpful to gain an honest understanding here. Maybe it's not weak people who feel that they're broken; maybe it's just everyone. If so, I guess I can get onboard with the book's approach, but it still feels a bit dishonest.

Overall, if you are like me, this book probably isn't a great investment of your time. There are definitely things to be learned here, but the vast majority of it is an owner's guide to contextualizing women's sexuality. My primary takeaways are that the expectation of sex leads to sexual excitement, regardless of whether or not the brain is into it --- and that getting rid of the expectation of sex from intimate touching can help alleviate stress and, paradoxically, lead to significantly better sex. ( )
  isovector | Dec 13, 2020 |
Revolutionary and pragmatic for any cisgender woman in a heterosexual relationship seeking steps toward self compassion to enhance her sexuality. ( )
  sjanke | Dec 9, 2020 |
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***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER*** An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works--based on groundbreaking research and brain science--that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer--but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all. The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal. Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm. Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible. And Emily Nagoski can prove it.

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