Much attention of psychologists around neglect focuses on physical neglect. Likewise, in academic literature, the word “neglect” is used in tandem to form the phrase “emotional abuse and neglect.” However, as noted by the author, emotional neglect by itself is not directly discussed much (at all?) in the academic literature. Perhaps this occurs because of it is a diagnosis of omission – that is, it’s something that doesn’t happen with significant results. In this self-help book, Jonice Webb describes this condition to provide a potential lifeline to sufferers to make sense of their life and emotions.

As a biomedical researcher, I’m not sure a self-help book is the appropriate place to debut this condition. The academic literature or an academic conference seems a better place to describe it. Bringing it straight to the reading public unnecessarily risks doing some degree of harm. The phrase “first, do no harm” rings through my head. Self-help books require subjective identification with symptoms and do not provide the academic rigor needed to explore and define a new condition. Subjective identification only works when based on evidence. There is none here (yet).

That said, Webb’s description seems fairly true to my life story. Everyone outside of my home talked about emotions, but my parents did not. If anything, they argued about emotional intelligence. Indeed, they fit into several categories described in this book. As I grew into an adult, I had to take many steps for my personal emotional health described in this book. Webb’s constellation of symptoms provides a degree of peace of mind in that I know other people have experienced similar events. I also encountered numerous people who had a “mysterious maladaptive condition” growing up that wasn’t well understood. Perhaps Webb might be able to shine some beneficial light on their life experiences, too.

I’m not sure I can recommend this book because it lacks a rigorous, scientifically validated definition. It’s certainly nice to identify with people of similar backgrounds, but this suggestion really needs to be tested through peer-reviewed academic literature before it’s disseminated. I do wish Webb the best and hope that she will persevere through rigorous scrutiny to discover whether this hypothesis can indeed be verified. In the eight years since this book was published, perhaps she has made some progress in research. ( )

In ‘Ongekende gevoelens’ van Jonice Webb leer je de emotionele bagage vanuit je relatie met je ouders (en hun relatie met hun ouders) te herkennen en het patroon van ongekende emoties te doorbreken.

In Ongekende gevoelens, Over emotionele bagage en de invloed daarvan op (volwassen) kinderen van Jonice Webb leer je de emotionele bagage vanuit je relatie met je ouders (en hun relatie met hun ouders) te herkennen en het patroon van ongekende emoties te doorbreken.

Wanneer er in je kindertijd weinig aandacht was voor jouw gevoelens, dan kun je daar in je latere leven behoorlijk mee worstelen. Als je emoties er niet mochten zijn heb je diep van binnen geleerd dat jij er ook niet mag zijn. Vaak wordt dit van generatie op generatie doorgegeven. Door dit gemis te herkennen begrijp je waarom je in je volwassen leven vastloopt op bepaalde levensthema’s.

Dit boek laat zien hoe je goed voor jezelf kunt zorgen en het patroon van ongekende emoties doorbreekt.

Jonice Webb in de inleiding van Ongekende gevoelens: "Dit boek is geschreven om je te helpen je bewust te worden van wat er niet is gebeurd in je jeugd, over dat wat je je niet herinnert. Want wat niet is gebeurd heeft veel meer invloed op wie jij als volwassene bent geworden dan al die gebeurtenissen die je je wel herinnert. Ongekende gevoelens laat je zien wat de gevolgen zijn van wat er niet is gebeurd: een onzichtbare kracht die kan doorwerken in je leven. Ik help je bepalen of je getroffen bent door deze onzichtbare kracht, en hoe je die kunt overwinnen als dat het geval is."

Got some definite insights into my life ( )

I don't remember how I found this book, but I am so glad I did. It helped clarify so many things for me, and my heart warmed when I saw there was a category for parents just like my dad. I was worried when I saw there was a category for "if you have a disabled sibling, your parents likely fell into this category" because I -am- that sibling. My mom dedicated a lot of her time to me as I was growing up, and I worried about her job stability. She was fine. I never even paused to think about my brothers and how they may have been affected. So, I learned a different perspective in that regard. But this book helped me so, so much with my dad and I am so grateful I'm not alone. ( )

An interesting book for someone who has read a host of self-help books, it delivers on what it advertises. It plainly, and in a non-judgmental way works through the reasons that the reader might be struggling, even if they feel their parent was the best parent ever. It offers solutions and explanations that help the reader understand where their underlying pain is coming from and how to help address it. The book gives a, "yep that's me" feeling of support and real life examples to relate to for the readers who may have a history of emotional neglect. Additionally, it opens the reader's eyes to understand their behaviors when interacting with their children, brining an awareness to trying our best to make sure children are fulfilled emotionally too. It is worth the time to read if not only to help yourself or your children, but also to better understand where other people might be coming from. ( )