More of a psychology book than a science book, Goleman does a nice job of explaining the brain biology that underlies our feelings and social interactions. He then goes on to discuss the underpinnings of our social relationships, why some people are psychopaths, the impact of social relationships on health, etc. etc.

I found the first part to be the most enlightening. Goleman discusses how humans are inherently empathetic - - and how empathy is actually controlled by the more unconscious part of the brain. He illustrates this with some interesting anecdotes. One that was memorable to me was an experiment with monkeys. Six monkeys could pull one of two strings for food. One string gave the monkeys a lot of food, but also shocked a seventh monkey in the same cage. The other string gave the monkey a much smaller amount of food and did not shock their companion. Four of monkeys would only pull the second string so that their comrade was not shocked. The other two pretty much wouldn't pull any string and were starving themselves for days rather than take a chance of hurting their companion. I found this to be fascinating - - that their empathy was actually higher than their desire for food.

In addition, Goleman makes a compelling case that emotions are very contagious and that we can spread joy or sadness quite readily to our fellow human beings.

Unfortunately, the points that Goleman makes are hammered home again and again. I felt a bit like his book was a science article blown up into big 300 page book. He did give lots of examples, but after awhile I just felt that his thesis didn't really merit a whole book.

A lot of the book really consisted of his views that stemmed from his research i.e. prisons need to be more rehabilitative, medical caregivers need more time with patients in order to give optimal care (duh), and so on and so forth. He also has a large section on relationships and how your childhood really impacts your own relationships later in life (double duh). It might be very useful to read this section if you do have young children as it does show the impact you have on their lives.

I found the very most interesting part to be the biology that contributes to people becoming psychopaths . . .and that there's definitely an element of brain chemistry that is a contributing factor.

All in all, I'm glad I read it, but I think his first book - - Emotional Intelligence - - was a WHOLE lot better and more interesting. So if you like psychology - - I'd go with that one first! ( )

p.57

I recently started the Evelyn Wood reading dynamics program (often called speed reading). This book, like many others in this field droned on about various research that has been done. I decided to try the technique of skimming the book and then read it. It worked. The reading became a lot more interesting and meaningful.

We are prewired for kindness. (Ch 4)

Spindle cells are unique to primates & humans have a lot of them. (Ch 5)

Terminology used in this book:
- Low Road - The emotional response
- High Road - The intellectual analysis

"... serotonin is a neurotransmitter that generates feelings of well-being in the brain. ... 95% of the body's serotonin occurs in the digestive tract, ..." (Page 80) Well, no wonder we like to overeat - it makes us feel good.

"SOCIAL AWARENESS
- Primal empathy: feeling with others; sensing non-verbal emotional signals
- Attunement: Listening with full receptivity; attuning to a person.
- Empathic accuracy: Understanding another person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
- Social cognition: knowing how the social world works" (P 84)

"SOCIAL FACILITY
Simply sensing how another feels, [Social Awareness] or knowing what they think or intend, does not guarantee fruitful interactions. Social facility builds on social awareness to allow smooth, effective interactions. The spectrum of social facility includes:
- Synchrony: Interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level.
- Self-presentation: Presneting ourselves effectively
- Influence: Shaping the outcome of social interactions
- Concern: Caring aobut others' needs and acting accordingly" (P 84)

Effective listening is a critical social skill. (p 88)

甘える
"English has no word for amae, but it could certainly use one to refer to ... a closely attuned relationship. Amae [is] that we attune most readily with the people in our lives we know and love - our immediate family and relatives... The closer we are, the more amae." (p 108)

"That debate (Nurture vs Nature or Environment vs Genes) turns out to be pointless, based on the fallacy that our genes and our environment are independent of each other; it's like arguing over which contributes more to the area of a rectangle, the length or the width." (Page 150)

It cites a lot of varied research with the notes at the end of the book going on for 55 pages. It is confirmation that this field is still so young that we don't have solid answers, just lots of research that gives some direction, but not yet quite sure of the final destination. ( )

The new science of Human Relationships

Well aside form IQ and EQ social intelligence plays a crucial role as well for any sane human being. This book has been very informative specially into the studies of human behavior and how exactly one person interacts with another. I applaud Goleman's research on neuroscience and how it has been correlated to being socially inclined to one another. Well this has been a great book, I learned a lot of useful information and at the same time how this can be helpful in being an effective social person not only for myself but almost to everyone. ( )