Chapter 27: "Fact 1: Some People Are Boring. Fact 2: You Are Not Obligated to Listen to Them."

This book is boring. Dembling writes about introversion almost exclusively from within her own experience of that trait. There's a sprinkling of science, but mostly The Introvert's Way is a memoir of Dembling's own life as an introvert.

Unfortunately, the type of introvert she is happens to be almost the exact opposite from the type of introvert I am. I found some of her writing helpful or recognizable: extraverts do tend to fill in my silence with their own meanings; I hate the telephone; I'm good at public speaking; and what makes any interaction worthwhile is a sense that I'm getting a return on my investment. But most of it...no.

I'm shy; she's not. The idea of being a flâneur, which fills Dembling with joy, horrifies me: I may watch pedestrians outside a cafe window while I'm looking up from a book, but actually going somewhere just to sit and watch people makes me feel like a creep. Unlike Dembling, big and flashy parties don't bother me: if I'm in the mood to socialize, 50 people are no different from 10; if I'm not in the mood to socialize, even one chattering person will irritate me. For perhaps this reason, I've never, ever experienced that "introvert stupor" Dembling kept mentioning.

Or maybe my lack of "introvert stupor" has more to do with the fact that my mind, while active and busy, never feels too full or full of noise, like Dembling's. Also unlike Dembling, I love to make decisions: I think quickly and make decisions quickly. (And as she herself quoted Dr. Robert Stelmack: "Speed of cognition is a function of intelligence, not personality. And the two are not highly correlated." So I'm honestly not sure why she kept harping on her slow thinking and decision-making as being an introverted tendency.) And also, I freaking love roller coasters...and even karaoke under the right circumstances, both of which Dembling hates.

This is not the introvert's way. It is an introvert's way. And it's an introvert's way that excludes rather than includes its own audience. It may be helpful for introverts who are really struggling to feel empowered in their tendencies and preferences toward solitude, but for those of us who've already figured out how to establish boundaries and catch a breath in the bathrooms and take a dose of socializing 'cuz it's good for us (even if it tastes bad), there's not much here.

I did appreciate learning about the Cheek and Buss shyness scale and discovering that Jennifer Grimes' work may be worth looking into, but both of those are incidental to the bulk of Dembling's writing. If you're a confident and experienced introvert looking to be inspired, you're better off picking up Susan Cain's Quiet than The Introvert's Way. ( )

I knew a lot of what was said, but I did learn some things. ( )

I LOVED this book! Anyone who is an introvert or knows an introvert could benefit by reading this book ( )

I was recently reminded that life's too short to persist in reading books you hate. Even worse, I am getting nothing out of this one. Very generalised mumbles and grumbles with little substance to sink teeth into. Susan Cain's "Quiet" is far superior in all respects. ( )

A very refreshingly humorous book (if I may use that term). This book has a very light way of dealing with the issues of introversion compared to the other sombre books that I have read on the subject matter. Sophia teaches introverts to be proud of their introversion.

I especially like her humour. Some of the tidbits I really enjoyed were:

"We didn't know that you were an introvert. We simply thought you were a bitch" and how introverts can use "diarrhoea" as an excuse to leave a boring extrovertish party. I also had a good laugh and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Sophia deals with almost all of the issues that plague introverts including the need to make friends, partying, raising introvert children, working in a "privacy sucking cubicle", exercising, etc.

She also dismisses some of the very important claims of psychologists that introverts seem to be less happy than extroverts. The problem with these kinds of claims being that extroverts are likely to choose extreme answers. This means that if an extrovert is happy, she is likely to circle 5 on a scale of 1-5 whereas if this is true of an introvert, she is likely to circle 3 or 4 NOT because she is less happy but because she is very likely to choose a balanced answer.

I also like the Irish bits of the book especially how extroverts party when they go weeeeeeeee....

Some reviewers are quick to jump and compare this book to Susan Cain's Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking". I feel that this is a bit unfair. I believe that we, introverts, should support each other in expressing our ideas in writing and in Susan Cain's words "support a Quiet Revolution".
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