I'd just finished Mary Jayne Blackmore's Balancing Bountiful: What I Learned about Feminism from my Polygamist Grandmothers and couldn't believe the positive spin she put on her early life. According to her, she grew up surrounded by the love of many siblings and mothers, with a loving father (who had 149 other children). Several times, Ms. Blackmore mentioned "Aunt Debbie" and wondered her aunt had said such terrible things about he community of Bountiful.

So, I decided to read Debbie Palmer's book. What a revelation! Ms. Palmer talks about the first 18 years of her life, suffering abuse from her father's wives after her own mother had died, and from older children in the community. At 15, she became the sixth wife of a 57-year old man, was shunned by the sister wives and medical attention was withheld from her more than once. It is a devastating tale of life where a patriarchy rules with absolute authority and young people are brainwashed to believe that any questioning will result in eternal damnation.

So, who is right? Does the truth lie in some middle ground? I'm sure individual experiences in a fundamentalist, polygamist community can vary, as do experiences wherever we live. But Ms. Palmer's story reminds us that fundamentalism, polygamy and brainwashing of any kind cause devastating harm. It's not a question of balance, it's a question of human rights. ( )

I bought this book a few years ago from one of the authors. I was interested in it because it is the memoir of a woman who grew up in the polygamous Mormon community of Bountiful near Creston, British Columbia. We have visited the Kootenay area of BC numerous times and the town of Creston at the southern end of the Kootenay valley is a lovely area. A TV show about the Bountiful polygamous sect was an eyeopener for me although the local people knew about the sect for many years. Now Deb Palmer has written about what it was like to grow up there.
Deb was the oldest child of Vivien and Adam Nilsson. They were Mormons from the Cardston area of Alberta who heard the call to join the “true” church and live the polygamous life. Deb was only about 4 years old when they moved to BC. Vivien was probably only 17 or 18 when she married Adam and I think she was probably persuaded by her husband that this was the right thing to do. After bearing 3 children in a short period of time she was not very healthy and she did not get access to good medical care until too much damage was done to her heart. She died at the age of 23 leaving her three young children to the dubious care of her sister wife, Jan. Jan was the oldest daughter of the local church leader, “Uncle” Isaac Merrick. Although she only had her Grade 10 Jan was designated to teach the children of the community. Jan also gave birth to her own children while continuing to work as the teacher. It could not have been an easy life but her vicious physical attacks on Vivien’s children, particularly Deb, were unprovoked. Deb had one good friend, Jeanie, who was also a daughter of Isaac’s but from his wife Naomi. Naomi had a tempestuous relationship with Isaac and her children were objects of scorn and ridicule. The unhappy home and school life was sometimes alleviated by joy in the natural surroundings and a love of music and reading. Girls in the sect were taught from a young age that their future was to be a wife and a “mother of Issrael”. It was also a subliminal message to the boys and men of the community that females were sexual property. From a young age Deb was sexually abused by older boys in the community. As hard as it is to believe when Deb was 15 she asked to be married to “Uncle” Isaac and the marriage was approved. Deb became Isaac’s fifth wife and one of her sister wives was Emilia, Isaac’s own daughter. At first Deb lived in the same house with Bettilyn, the senior wife, and Emilia. Then Isaac had one of his other wives, Lydia, move into the big house, moved out Bettilyn and Emila and left Deb living with Lydia. Deb became pregnant soon after marriage but had a miscarriage, an event that occurred Deb thought because she and Isaac had sex after she became pregnant which was against church law. Soon after Isaac came to her bed and got her pregnant again. This time Deb refused to sleep with Isaac while she was pregnant and he turned against her. When her daughter was born it was decreed that she should be named Janessa, the same name as Deb’s hated stepmother. Deb was probably suffering from postpartum depression but she got no sympathy from her husband or sister wives. After a while she asked to live somewhere else and her husband abandoned her in a room in the schoolhouse with no cooking facilities. She was expected to earn her keep by organizing a storeroom and painting a new worship centre, all while looking after an infant. Only an almost burst appendix got her into her father’s house which really wasn’t any better. Isaac, who had been diagnosed with leukemia was hospitalized and died soon after. Deb was 18 when her first husband died. The book ends there but Deb’s bio information in the back of the book states that she was married twice more and had 7 more children before she finally left the church.
Deb is just a little younger than I am but her life could not have been more different if she had been born in another century. I would love to know how she got the courage to leave the sect and take all her children but maybe that is another book. ( )

After escaping the polygamist community in Bounty BC, Debbie sets down the first 20 or so years of her life. The abuse and the twisted lifestyle depicted is horrendous. Her story is remarkable. ( )