Please select a better jacket introduction for me? Help a fellow writer/reader.

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Please select a better jacket introduction for me? Help a fellow writer/reader.

1AlanLoya
Mar 19, 2022, 3:07 am

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Hi. I am having a hard time re-editing the cover language for my book. Please can anyone tell me if you like the first, the second, or the third, or any other comments?

First--
Michael Martinez is a big-shot criminal defense lawyer who defends dirty cops. Then he visits his childhood home to discover that his father was recently killed by policemen. In a twist of luck, Michael gets hired to defend those who murdered his father--and if he quits the case, he loses his job. Along the way, Michael discovers that his grandfather was also killed by policemen during the Zoot Suit Riots. Now Michael has to choose between his profession, the memory of his father, and his culture--as he learns firsthand about the Zoot Suit Riots.

Second--
Michael Martinez is a hot-shot criminal defense attorney who represents dirty cops. All of a sudden, his father is killed by the LAPD. Then, Michael discovers his grandfather was also killed by bad cops during the Zoot Suit Riots. In a twist of fate, Michael is hired to represent those men who killed his father and his firm won't let him drop the case. Now Michael must choose between his profession, his father's memory, and his culture--while discovering firsthand what really happened during the Zoot Suit Riots.

Third--
Michael Martinez is a hot-shot criminal defense attorney who represents dirty cops. All of a sudden, his father is killed by the LAPD. Then, Michael discovers his grandfather was also killed by bad cops during the Zoot Suit Riots. In a twist of fate, Michael is hired to represent those men who killed his father and if he quits, he loses the case. Now Michael must choose between his profession, his father's memory, and his culture--while discovering firsthand what really happened during the Zoot Suit Riots.

Thanks, anyone and everyone.

2Cecrow
Mar 19, 2022, 8:26 am

I don't like "hot shot" or "dirty cops" in your opening line. Doesn't make me believe I'm going to sympathize with this character. How about something like this:

Michael Martinez thought he had it made. For years he has casually defended cops who acted in questionable circumstances, and it's always paid off. Now a murder has occurred in his own family, and he has to defend the prime suspect - a "dirty cop'. Michael must choose between his profession, his father's memory and his culture, while discovering what really happened during the Zoot Suit Riots.

That said, I'm really curious how it's possible in any court, anywhere, that he could be assigned to defend in a case that close to his own family. That sounds like grounds for immediately excluding him. So all of my curiosity going in is going to be centered on that point specifically, and how much I believe in the explanation is going to make/break whether I enjoy your novel.

3AlanLoya
Mar 25, 2022, 2:46 am

Thanks. I like your idea. I am impressed. I am going to modify my situation here.

Now as far as you say where a lawyer could be assigned to do something like this, unfortunately, I have experience in the legal world. Here is my unlikely and difficult to believe reply:
a) It is grounds to exclude him for the firm or the judge; however, many judges would allow it. In the story, however, the firm wants him to take the case as a publicity sort of stunt to show "how much these police are innocent." And for him to stay on the case until the judge or the firm at some point probably decides to take him off it, but crazier things have been allowed in court. If the judge likes the bias, he will allow it. Judges have allowed criminal defendants to be kept without bathing, for months at a time, at the behest of the prosecutor, just to make the defendants seem more guilty (a la stinky and ugly) and that was a nationally publicized case.
b) The law firm, as most law firms, will do whatever helps them win. Doing this as a publicity thing for the cameras would attract a lot of attention and promonte a jurty bias towards innocence--and still Yes it would seem unbelievable--but the legal world and the law is, as one of my Law Professors said, "An A _ _!" Meaning, it makes no sense at all at times and is utterly stupid. I have a JD. The legal world is totally crazy at times. I went to school for this and I have seen lots worse. Sadly . . .

How does that sound for you?

Alan

4Cecrow
Modifié : Mar 25, 2022, 11:08 am

That sounds pretty solid. I'd be drawn to reading it by that hook, and that payoff works for me.

Noting, I replied because I didn't notice you weren't posting to one of the author groups; your inquiry doesn't really belong here in Historical Fiction.

5margaretbartley
Août 3, 2022, 4:45 am

I would not read the book, based on the description you've posted. In the first place, it seems unlikely that an attorney can be described as making a career out of defending "dirty cops". Who says they are dirty? Have they been convicted once before? How come only "dirty" cops hire him? How come normal cops would not hire him?
Also, if he knows about the Zoot Suits riots "first hand" he'd have to be at least 90 years old.

It sounds like a plot-driven book. Plot-driven books need to be impeccable. Otherwise, it drives me nuts, and I've learned to avoid them.