Judy Shepard

Matthew Wayne Shepard died at 12:53 a.m. on Monday, October 12. But our beloved, opinionated, compassionate, contentious, curious, and loving son had actually died five days earlier, tied to that fence outside Laramie.

The Meaning of Matthew è il memoir nel quale Judy Shepard racconta la vita del figlio Matthew: di quanto sia stata difficile e meravigliosamente imperfetta e di come, nella notte del 6 ottobre 1998, fu interrotta da due individui, Aaron McKinney e Russell Henderson, che non si fecero scrupoli nell’abbordarlo, derubarlo, picchiarlo, torturarlo e lasciarlo a morire legato a una staccionata nelle campagne vicino Laramie. Fu trovato – ancora vivo – molte ore dopo, per caso: trasportato in ospedale, morirà dopo giorni di agonia e senza riprendere mai conoscenza.

L’omicidio ebbe fin da subito un grande risalto mediatico e non solo negli USA: in parte per l’efferatezza degli aggressori, in parte perché – come il processo metterà in evidenza – emerse che tanta violenza fosse stata innescata dal flirtare di Matthew con McKinney.

Suddenly in this live-and-let-live state, where I’d always assumed that it was okay to be gay as long as you didn’t tell anyone, people were taking a stand, and they were saying that things needed to change. In our hometown, in our church, and at our alma mater, people were standing up for our son – and for our family. And, for the first time that week, I felt so blessed.

Come purtroppo accade spesso, sono necessarie queste morti così atroci per smuovere le coscienze e arrivare a leggi che mirino a sradicare questo genere di violenza. Eppure dall’omicidio di Matthew, ci sono voluti anni affinché il Congresso estendesse l'Hate crimes in the United States del 1969 anche a crimini che colpiscono le persone per il loro genere, orientamento sessuale, identità di genere e disabilità, sia reale sia presunta. La risoluzione è stata adottata il 22 ottobre 2009 e promulgata da Obama pochi giorni dopo e prende proprio il nome da Matthew Shepard e James Byrd Jr, un quarantanovenne nero ucciso in maniera orribile da tre suprematisti bianchi (qui se volete leggere tutta la storia, ma vi avverto che è davvero molto violenta).

The argument of those who are opposed to hate-crime laws is that “any crime is a hate crime.” But Elizabeth and David very convincingly explained to me that while random acts of violence against another person are always tragic events, violent crimes based on prejudice have a much stronger impact because the motive for crime is to terrorize an entire community. Hate crimes like the one committed against Matt, they explained, are often more violent because the perpetrator is trying to send a message that the victim – whether he or she is black, gay, transgender, or Jewish – will not be tolerated.

Tutta questa lunga premessa per scrivervi che questo memoir mi ha straziato: è il tipo di libro che riesce a toccare corde dentro di me che difficilmente riesco poi a tradurre in parole. Non l’ho trovato toccante per l’argomento in sé (anche se, certamente, si parla di una tragedia che come tale merita tutta la nostra empatia e delicatezza), ma per il modo in cui questa donna racconta della vita di suo figlio e di quella della sua famiglia.

Non aspettatevi il classico libro dove la vittima viene in qualche modo santificata: anzi, Judy Shepard ha scritto questo libro proprio per ridimensionare l’idea di angelica perfezione che la stampa aveva dato di suo figlio, ribadendo che il suo omicidio era stata una tragedia anche perché aveva posto fine a una vita ricca di complessità e contraddizioni. Non solo le belle vite lineari e perfette meritano attenzione e aiuto...

He wasn’t a saint, as the press was trying to make him out to be, but a twenty-one-years-old with more troubles than anyone his age should ever have deal with. Yet as I looked around his apartment that day, it was clear to me that by simply living his life and going to school Matt was doing his best to overcome his demons.
[…]
Matt’s murder wasn’t horrific because it ended an angelic life but because it ended a very human life riddled with all the complexities and contradictions each of us face.

Penso sia facile, da terzi, essere oggettivi, ma per un genitore che ha perso un figlio guardare ai suoi difetti e anche ai propri senza alcun tipo di colpevolizzazione o autocommiserazione è davvero ammirevole. È un memoir estremamente umano, dove si toccano entrambi gli estremi di cui siamo capaci come razza, la violenza dell’odio più cieco e la forza della speranza più visionaria.

Concludo con le parole di Dennis Shepard, che chiese (e ottenne) alla Corte di non condannare McKinney alla pena di morte, ma all’ergastolo, in modo tale che per ogni singolo giorno della sua vita fosse costretto a fare i conti con le conseguenze della sua scelta e a ringraziare Matthew per essere ancora vivo.

«[…] Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, or the Forth of July, remember that Matt isn’t. Every time that you wake up in that prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night. Every time that you see your cellmate, remember that you had a choice, and now you are living that choice. You robbed me of something very precious, and I will never forgive you for that. Mr. Kinney, I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May you have a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it. [...]»… (plus d'informations)

"It was-and still is-critical to me that people pay attention to Matt and what happened to him, but not to me."
What I found so wonderful about this book was that Judy brought to us, the tale of a young man, who was flawed and still in a state of finding himself. Too often do we martyr people who are cast in this role of representing an ideal. Matthew Shepard was not an angel, or a saint. He had problems like we all do, and I personally think, it's more important to remember that he was a human being. He was Judy's son. It makes it more real, more tangible, and more heart-wrenching.
I cannot imagine having to write about your son, who was murdered in the fashion that Matthew was. However, Judy does so beautifully and openly. My heart ached as she recounted her time in the hospital at his side, and how she had to be a rock in a time when she certainly deserved to fall apart.
Judy's is a tale worth telling. She certainly could have disappeared after Matthew's funeral and lived her life in quiet solitude, remembering her son, but she chose to fight. She chose to champion a cause, and attempt to make some good out of her son's murder. That is admirable.
This biography was insightful, and allowed us to see a boy through a mother's eyes that was struggling with sexuality and sense of self. It also allowed us to see into a woman who held strong for family and friends and who is by all accounts the hero of this story. She has effected change, and I am so glad she chose to write this account of hers and her son's life.
I would love to read someday a biography of her time after his death in more detail. It would be great to read about all the change she has fought for, and the strides she has taken to continue his legacy. Maybe one day.… (plus d'informations)

This was a well-written memoir, very touching and heartbreaking. I had not realized, when I heard Judy Shepard's interview on a local radio station, that she was living in Saudi Arabia at the time. I borrowed it from the library as I have borrowed other memoirs, so I do not actually own this book.

Matthew's life was one of light and love, and how many of us have found ourselves with strangers, off on an adventure? The portrayals and descriptions of Matthew's killers after his murder were especially well-done. And the portrayal of Matthew was honest and heartfelt, too.… (plus d'informations)