Disclaimer: My first review ever. So, please bear with me as I'm not familiar with the rules surrounding analyzing books and critiquing the way they're written. This review contains spoilers, so if you haven't read the book and you plan on it, skip over this review. Don't say I didn't warn you. 😌

Brave, kind, loyal, sweet, loving, graceful, strong, thoughtful, funny, genuine, hopeful, playful, insightful, and on and on… Was she, though? Was she any of those things? The words make me angry. I can’t look at them any longer.

Jennette, if you ever happen to read this review. Congratulations. Congratulations on coming to terms with yourself, realizing that acting isn't for you, and finding something that suits you best. Congratulations on acknowledging the damage your mom did to your life and coming to terms with the fact that she isn't perfect because she's your mother. There are so many other things I can congratulate you for— but I'm gonna try to shorten this up because I have too many things to say about this book.

This book is very raw and digs deep into how and why Jennette became an actress. It digs deep into how mothers, yes, mothers, can and do exploit their daughters for their own personal benefits. You'd be shocked to know these kinds of parents exist, and sadly, they do. Even in the West, where child abuse is looked down upon and addressed by millions of activists.

Moms are saints. Angels by merely existing. NO ONE could possibly understand what it’s like to be a mom. Men will never understand. Women with no children will never understand. No one but moms know the hardship of motherhood, and we non-moms must heap nothing but praise upon moms because we lowly, pitiful non-moms are mere peasants compared to the goddesses we call mothers.

This passage right here is much too relatable. Everyone glorifies mothers and motherhood. And yes, a lot of us do romanticize the dead, regardless of how badly they lived their lives.

Keep in mind that Jennette McCurdy's mother, Debra McCurdy, was described as Brave, kind, loyal, sweet, loving, graceful, strong, thoughtful, funny, genuine, hopeful, playful, insightful, and on and on...

That's all just a bunch of romanticism. Debra was an evil woman while she was alive. She showered her children into their teenage years and went as far as doing breast and vaginal exams on Jennette to check for cancer. What kind of mother showers her daughter with her brother and does breast and vaginal exams on her to check for cancer? Only professionals can accurately examine a person for cancer.

If you read the passage below, you'll be utterly disgusted by what the mother used to do.

Mom showers me with Scottie sometimes. He’s almost sixteen at this point.

This was just one of the many WTF moments for me in the book. I was utterly disgusted and horrified by the idea of a mother showering her children, male and female, together. And do you know how Debra felt when her son asked her if he could shower himself?

Scott asked if he could shower himself once. Mom sobbed and said she didn’t want him to grow up so he never asked again after that.

Absolute disgusting and predatory behavior. My son wants to shower himself because he's hit puberty, is mature, and doesn't feel comfortable naked around others. So I sob to make him feel guilty and allow me to touch his body inappropriately. On top of that, I perform these cancer prevention exams on my naked daughter in front of him. WTF.

Another thing that just didn't settle with me was how Debra constantly enforced anorexic thoughts and beliefs onto Jennette. Whenever Jennette was at a healthy weight and was eating, Debra would be furious. In one scene, Debra starts making Jennette eat sugar-free popsicles and diet foods, and when other people begin to notice and start questioning whether Jennette has anorexia or not, she dismisses them as dramatic. And we all know how implementing anorexic thoughts into a child affects them in their childhood. If you don't, please read the book. It brings a lot of light to the abuse Jennette has endured for the majority of her life.

Even when Jennette is older, her mother begins to have a lot of control over her choices and how her body looks.

“Net, what happened?” She doesn’t face me when she asks it. She stays looking out the window at the bumper-to-bumper traffic on the 5.

“You’re getting chunky.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“We’ve gotta get you on a diet. This is getting out of hand.” “I know.”

One day, Jennette's mother happens to find out about Jennette dating an older guy by the name of Joe. While I never approved of Jennette's relationship with Joe because he cheated on his girlfriend to be with her and because of how he treated Jennette and the terrible things he made her do, the email Jennette received from her mother tells me everything I need to know about this woman.

Debra, did you seriously think Jennette should send you money for a new fridge after you just cussed her out and denied ever being her mother? In addition to that, you body-shamed her and called her ugly in every way possible, and she has to send you money to fix the damn fridge as if you don't have money to fix it yourself. Seriously? WTF again.

Dear Net, I am so disappointed in you. You used to be my perfect little angel, but now you are nothing more than a little SLUT, a FLOOZY, ALL USED UP. And to think—you wasted it on that hideous OGRE of a man. I saw the pictures on a website called TMZ—I saw you in Hawaii with him. I saw you rubbing his disgusting hairy stomach. I KNEW you were lying about Colton. Add that to the list of things you are—LIAR, CONNIVING, EVIL. You look pudgier, too. It’s clear you’re EATING YOUR GUILT. Thinking of you with his ding dong inside of you makes me sick. SICK. I raised you better than this. What happened to my good little girl? Where did she go? And who is this MONSTER that has replaced her? You’re an UGLY MONSTER now. I told your brothers about you and they all said they disown you just like I do. We want nothing to do with you. Love, Mom (or should I say DEB since I am no longer your mother) P.S. Send money for a new fridge. Ours broke.

And the worst part is, after her mother died, Jennette's anorexia developed into bulimia, and this is what she felt.

The truth is that I wish I had anorexia, not bulimia. I’m pining for anorexia. I’ve grown humiliated by bulimia, which I used to think of as the best of both worlds—eat what you want, throw it all up, stay thin. But now it doesn’t feel like the best of both worlds. It feels terrible. I’m filled with so much shame and anxiety every time after I eat, I literally don’t know what to do to make myself feel better except throw up. And after I’m done, I half do. Half of me feels depleted, exhausted, like there’s nothing left, which is helpful. The other half of me now has a splitting headache, a sore throat, vomit sliding down my arm and tangled in my hair, and even more shame on top of the initial shame since now I’ve not only eaten but thrown up, too. Bulimia is not the answer.

I'm so glad all this BS Jennette handled is now over. Maybe it isn't. She might still be healing and growing from this, and I'm so proud. I hope all teenage girls get access to this book. Stop romanticizing evil mothers and making them look like angels.

I'm sorry this review was so long and boring. I just wanted to give a detailed overview of why I feel so strongly about this book and Jennette's mother. It's my first time, so I don't have a lot of experience and don't have a full understanding of the rules.

Jenn, if you're reading this, you're awesome and you're a big inspiration to me and multiple other girls. I'm gonna write a book inspired by your memoir.

Peace, y'all! ✌️🌠 ( )

I hated the title so I almost didn't read it. But once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. It was well written and intriguing. Only after I started reading about the book did I realize that the names were made up and it is unclear who these different boyfriends are. ( )

Well-told, fascinating, and at times funny, story of a former child actress and former co-star on Nickelodeon's iCarly. I suspect the described abuse this young woman endured growing up is probably just the tip of the iceberg. Absolutely heartbreaking. ( )

I'm not much into memoirs, but the title of this one drew me in; that's a story for another day. Unfortunately, the title was the best thing going for this one.

I listened to the book which was read by the author and I've never been more disappointed in a performance. It's her book, written by her, yet she sounds so bored, so forced, so anxious just to push through. There are times when her mumbling is such I have to rewind and try again before I can understand what she is saying.

As for the content, there are some awful events that McCurdy went through growing up, but unfortunately, and perhaps this was just her tone of voice in the audio version, she sounds like it's all passe, ho-hum, whatever. If that is the case, why put it in there? Maybe someone else should have read the book aloud if that isn't the case. Perhaps reading the book may have made some of the blase feel of it less pronounced.

Lastly, this book makes me feel sad for the author -- she doesn't sound like someone who has healed from the torment she describes.

I think I'll go back to my "not into memories" stance. ( )

What a life this woman has had. And she is a hell of a writer. I hope she has more books in her. And I hope she has found a little bit of peace. ( )