Jillian by Halle Butler is a novel that speaks to the idea that our public facade and our private hell do not always align neatly. You will either recognize both people you know and yourself in these characters or you'll pretend you're above them, but either way you will know that we all contain some aspects of both Jillian and Megan.

Once you've read the book and remember my comment you'll want to come back and tell me you're not like either of them. To which I will smile and clarify that I did not say most readers were like them but that there are aspects of what they are experiencing that we have all experienced. If you still disagree, make sure you don't miss your next doctor's appointment, hopefully you'll start making progress soon.

These aren't so much bad people as they are people who make bad decisions and/or make for toxic scenes. I wouldn't want to be within their circle of acquaintances or coworkers, but that is different from proclaiming them bad people. We see Megan and Jillian doing things that are dishonest, mean, or just plain pointless. Then we are privy to their thoughts and their life beyond any single role (coworker, mother, partner, friend, etc) and can understand where they are coming from. We don't condone their actions and we like to think we would never do what they do. And if you have never been rude or curt or lied at work or tried to present your life as better than it is, congratulations, you're delusional, I mean, you're one of the lucky none, I mean, lucky ones. If you can't empathize at all with these women and the pain they are going through, I feel sorry for you.

Having said all that, this is the type of book some people won't enjoy. Maybe they empathize too much, maybe they relate too closely, maybe they simply don't like books that look closely at the lives of people who seem to be self-destructing. Plenty of reasons to not like this book. But if you want to try to understand how and why we all do some stupid things, this over the top example will offer plenty of material for you to think about.

We will all likely take different things away from this novel. I found myself thinking about times I felt similar to either Megan or Jillian and what I did. I also, because of how I think about stories like this, read some meaning into it that likely wasn't intentional. For instance, the character who seems like she might be changing for the better is the one who has been and will be relying on friends. Those friends have expressed concern and tried to help her feel better (all the while being flawed humans themselves). The one that seems to be spiraling out of control has an entirely different group that should help her but is instead ridiculing her. That group is part of an institution that always claims to be positive but is often (usually in my experience) more about show and making oneself look good.

I have recommended this to many of my friends but there are some I know wouldn't like it. So I do indeed think you should read it unless you know you want a story with a clear beginning, middle, and end; and a story that answers more questions than it raises. If you like a book similar to life, with all of its inconsistencies and lack of closure, then you will find a lot to enjoy and think about here.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via Edelweiss. ( )

This book is sour and bitter and weird and that's why I love it. ( )

Disparaging portrayals of Millenials are in vogue right now, spawning a flood of novels with unlikeable and irredeemable 20-something characters. Halle Butler brings a breath of fresh air into this endless conversation with her first novel, Jillian. The book vacillates between the viewpoints of two anti-heroines who are prototypes of the stereotypical self-involved generation of young adults. These two women are forced to work together in a small doctor’s office, despite their opposing temperaments and simmering animosity. Jillian is the ultimate optimist with big dreams but no organization or grit to see any of them to fruition. She races from goal to goal, seeking signs of destiny that she is compelled to embrace until a new one comes along. Jillian is a single mother of a young child, despite still being childlike herself. Telling lies to keep up appearances, she even begins to believe her own fabrications. Her officemate, Megan, despises Jillian and expresses this opinion in passive-aggressive behaviors followed by a litany of complaints to her pitiable boyfriend. Megan presents herself as hard-edged and pessimistic, suspicious and anti-social. She uses her barbed tone to protect herself, attempting to cover up her low self-esteem with an attitude of superiority. Megan drinks excessively and ostentatiously-what she relies on as a social lubricant ultimately isolates her. In bursts of short vignettes, Butler presents external and internal viewpoints of her two main characters. The reader gains insight into how others view them and how they view themselves. Both women seem to be rudderless, headed for major meltdowns due to their inability to adjust to a world that refuses to accommodate them. Jillian is a quirky novel that is at turns witty and tragic. The reader feels sympathy for Jillian and Megan while simultaneously wincing with each bad decision and botched attempt at “adulting.” A unique and talented new voice, Halle Butler is an author worth following. ( )

Quirky, with a side order of side-eye. This petite novel concerns co-workers Jillian and Megan and asks the reader to choose sides. Megan despises Jillian, who is worthy of contempt for all her self-delusion and lying. In about 225 pages, Jillian: gets a rescue dog and keeps it locked up in the bathroom all day, lies about a collision with a deer on the road and scams her employers, two gastroenterologists, into giving her prescription Tylenols, and neglects her toddler son. All of this, however, does not make Megan a better person in comparison. It's every horrible job you've ever had and every awful employee you've ever met, but the redemption is that Megan's lack of awareness of her own foibles make it all pretty hilarious - or just hilarious - it's not a pretty pictures. If you require likeable characters in your stories, run away.

Quotes: "Amanda was low-medium pretty, less pretty than Megan, which put Megan at ease, but more attractive than Megan because she bothered to groom herself."

"If you see something you're envious of, the only escape hatch from that feeling is to insult the object, but that was a hatch that just led to a deeper and more confusing layer of self-doubt and self-dislike." ( )

3.25 ( )